


Bubblegum candy

by jarofactonbell



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, M/M, Meddlesome Friends, Memes, Mutual Pining, Tsundere Kihyun, best and worst friends, college boys being trashy, friendships that build from mutual exposing and spilling tea on each other, i cant stop writing chat fics help, i'm done with all of you shownu, mentioned seventeen members, oblivious characters, progress? what's that, sunshine minhyuk, text fic, the burns are slow you can feel them melt you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2018-12-01 13:27:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 19,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11487333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jarofactonbell/pseuds/jarofactonbell
Summary: descartes: but who r udescartes: how did u even get my numberunknown: my friendsunknown: they go around handing my numbers to drunk college students every friday night at cheap shitty barsdescartes: oh shit thats probs how i got ur numberdescartes: i felt that in my dead black souldescartes: mine writes my number on toilet cubiclesdescartes: but he doesnt do it in one place he told me he wrote it on every mens toilet he goes intodescartes: i got liek 5 unknowns last week trynna bribe me into things from getting a sugar daddy to testing out a contraceptive pill using crocodile shitunknown: i think i snorted rice up my noseYoo Kihyun suffers a lot. Lim Changkyun has terrible friends. Jooheon keeps getting lost. Minhyuk and Hyunwoo are those people in a relationship that makes people want to have one. Hoseok is flirting with Hyungwon but it's not working. Hyungwon just wants to sleep.





	1. bitch i ddnt ask to be born with these short asf legs

**Author's Note:**

> My first Monsta X chat fic please be gentle with my child and me we are both delicate.  
> Names:  
> Shownu/Hyunwoo: dadno  
> Kihyun: kiki  
> Jooheon: gugugaga  
> Hyungwon: turtle

**{Group chat: destructive fam}**

 

**dadno:** What do you mean you lost Jooheon

 

**kiki** : i meant i saw him one minute and then i lost him the next

 

**kiki** : its fascinating what kids can do with legs nowadays hyunwoo-ah

 

**dadno:** I left you for a second and you lost the kid

 

**dadno:** Unbelievable

 

**kiki** : bitch i ddnt ask to be born with these short asf legs

 

**dadno:** Are you looking for him

 

**kiki** : ofc i am what kind of adult would i be if i don't

 

**dadno:** Do you accept constructive criticism

 

**kiki:** i want u to shut the fuck up

 

**turtle:** why is jooheonie calling me

 

**turtle:** wait no i see why

 

**dadno:** Can you ask where he is

 

**turtle:** Hongdae??

 

**turtle:** child said he's at hongdae

 

**kiki:** we were _literally_ in the supermarket across the dorm

 

**kiki** : how did he get all the way to goddamn hongdae???

 

**dadno:** Ask him to get back traffic is horrible

 

**turtle:** dad he has no idea how to

 

**turtle:** i can go get him

 

**kiki:** god no ur even worse

 

**gugugaga:** GOIS

 

**gugugaga:** IM NO LONGER LOST

 

**gugugaga:** A BIT LOST BUT EH RELATIVE

 

**dadno:** What happened? Who are you with?

 

**gugugaga:** MET A KID WHO I HAVE CLASS WIRH

 

**gugugaga:** HES TAKING ME BACK GOD BLESS U 

 

**kiki:** im sorry jooheonie

 

**gugugaga:** nah its fine hyung u were checking out the butcher

 

**turtle:** like check out the _quality of meat_ or check out _the guy_

 

**gugugaga:** i couldnt tell my eyes r tiny asf man

 

**gugugaga:** probs both who knows

 

**turtle:** u need to get laid like now

 

**kiki:** im sorry ill cook u steak tonite

 

**gugugaga:** ayayyayayayayayayayay

 

**dadno:** I'm taking the kids shopping from now on you are unreliable 

 

**dadno:** Not to mention irresponsible

 

**kiki:** can u stop discriminating my incompetence 

 

**turtle:** can i get carrots

 

**kiki:** i didnt ask to be here


	2. im already ded inside but he's more than welcome to try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minhyuk/Shownu date. Kihyun acts like a tough guy despite having pink hair. Hyungwon just wants to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi? Thank you so much for the lack of criticism - I must be doing something remotely okay. Maybe. Here is another mess. Please love this fic I don't know what I'm doing still.

**{Private chat: bean pole}**

**flagpole** : hyung

 

 **yoo.ki:**  w ha ts wrong

 

 **flagpole:**  i left my bag in my room can u get it for me

 

 **yoo.ki:** am i ur slave or smthing

 

 **flagpole:** pls hyung my assignment is inside ill die

 

 **yoo.ki:** serves u right forgetful bastard

 

**{Group chat: destructive fam}**

**[2.10 pm]**

**gugugaga:** Y'ALL

 

 **dadno:** It's the middle of the day why do you feel the need to scream in capitals

 

 **gugugaga:** HYUNG

 

 **gugugaga:** NIT IMPIRTANT

 

 **dadno:** Clearly 

 

 **gugugaga:** NEWS FLASH

 

 **gugugaga:** kihyun hyung is so soft

 

 **dadno:** I'm sorry he what?

 

 **kiki:** the fuck u saying u squinty bag of useless matchsticks

 

 **kiki** : cash me ousside bitch

 

 **dadno:** I'll give it ten seconds before he crush you

 

 **kiki** : i hope u get stabbed when u leave the house today

 

 **dadno:** I'm more than prepared to defend myself I think I'll be right

 

 **dadno:** I'm leaving for my date in an hour

 

 **dadno:** Can we possibly not die while I'm gone

 

 **turtle:** kihyun hyung is weak

 

 **kiki** : alright that is it im decking u both back to africa u ungrateful chestnuts

 

 **gugugaga:** hes the exact same height as a guy in my class but hes just thin

 

 **turtle:** the one who took u back from way back hongdae?

 

 **gugugaga:** ye

 

 **turtle:** he was cute

 

 **gugugaga:** rlly?

 

**turtle:**

****

 

 **dadno:** Did you guys even see what I wrote

 

 **kiki** : protect me

 

 **dadno:** Being a single parent is difficult

 

 **dadno:** Why is Kihyun weak? Or soft? Or whatever insult he gets offended by

 

 **gugugaga:** hyung said he told u to protect his manly image not play him as a weakass bitch

 

 **dadno:** I did it just to piss him off there should be swearing from him otherwise I didn't do my job properly

 

 **gugugaga:**  okie so he came from our room swearing left and rite abt how hyungwon forgot his shit

 

 **gugugaga:**  'all the goddamn time'

 

 **gugugaga:** while going into the guy's room and actually getting the stuff he needs for him

 

 **gugugaga:** bonus - ran all the way to meet hyungwon hyung before class to nag at him abt being forgetful and gave him the stuff

 

 **dadno:** Why do you bother acting tough for

 

 **kiki:** stop destroying my image u bunch of rotten squished bananas

 

 **dadno:** You let my boyfriend dyed your hair pink because it makes him happy when he thought he was failing physics 

 

 **gugugaga:** u pretended to hate haunted houses and made me stay with u bc u know i was deadass terrified of them

 

 **turtle:** hyung is a sweetheart under all that tsundere mask

 

 **kiki** : i am the devil's incarnate dont belittle me

 

 **turtle:** do u accept truthful words

 

 **gugugaga:** he swore murder on ur ancestors 

 

 **turtle:** im already ded inside but he's more than welcome to try

 

 **dadno:** Now that the four of us understand each other, I shall leave for my date

 

 **dadno:** Kihyun will make the food please don't help you will burn the block down

 

 **gugugaga:** dad ur supposed to be the nice parent

 

 **dadno:** Jooheon-ah I am very tired of all of your antics 

 

 **dadno:** Being nice used to come naturally but now it's just a very hard thing to accomplish

 

 **kiki** : tell minhyukkie we say hi

 

 **dadno:** Will do

 

 **turtle:** just scrolled up realised hyung said date

 

 **kiki** : yeah that will never not b weird

 

 **dadno:** You asked me to be nice and then say thing like this

 

 **dadno:** I am not a saint I can't be kind to people all the time

 

 **kiki** : tbh ur tolerance is pre high i expect patience from u

 

 **dadno:** Well you thought wrong I am anything but patient with you three

 

 **gugugaga:** minhyukkie is a saint

 

 **kiki** : i agree

 

 **kiki** : ask him over for dinner sometimes

 

 **turtle:** have fun hyung

 

 **dadno:** I was serious about not burning the house down please don't we are broke college students we can't afford insurance

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

**[5.34 pm]**

**kiki** : YOOOOO

 

 **kiki:** WHO IS DAT GODDAMN 

 

 **turtle:** hyung r u drunk

 

 **gugugaga:** BRO BRO BRO CHECK OUT THE GUY DAMN 

 

 **turtle:** let me sleep pls

 

 **gugugaga:** CHAE HYINGWON IM BREAKING UR DOOR

 

 **gugugaga:** COME OR BE CARRIED 

 

 **turtle:** im coming pls dont tpuch me

 

 **turtle:** who's at the door?

 

 **gugugaga:** new neighbour

 

 **turtle:** _and?_

 

 **kiki:** and he's hot u blind asf log

 

 **turtle:** im not awake enuff for this

 

 **gugugaga:** hyung

 

 **kiki** : what kinda bullshit....

 

 **gugugaga:** OMO HYUNG

 

 **turtle:** did he just....

 

 **turtle:** slam into the door?

 

 **kiki** : sometimes i wish i was so hot people noseplant doors when they see me

 

 **turtle:** but u r tho?

 

 **turtle:** ur not liek slam into door hot but id tap that ass any day if i can

 

 **gugugaga:** there r literally no one else who is as hot as u r hyung

 

 **kiki:** danke kids 

 

 **turtle:** u made all the girls fall in love with u when u sing

 

 **turtle:** and when u did strip pole dancing at soonyoung's last yr the other half of the campus turned gay for u

 

 **kiki** : its just the hair man

 

 **turtle:** everybody loves pink its a great colour

 

 **turtle:** was the weirdo at the door checking one of us out?

 

 **gugugaga:** OH HO HO 

 

 **kiki** : i ship it honestly 

 

 **turtle:** k then

 

 **kiki** : thanks hyungwonnie for dat confidence boost

 

 **kiki** : im sure ill find someone who would love my hair

 

 **gugugaga:** if u just walk outside for 3 minutes-

 

 **kiki** : i have meat

 

 **gugugaga:** i am summoned i only know meat

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to let you all guess who's the neighbour was. I couldn't caption Hyungwon's meme face but I will succeed one day.


	3. im filing away all the shade and bitchiness i have in me to care for ur dumb face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the truth behind the Hot Neighbour is revealed (no surprises as to who he is). Changkyun constantly judges. Minhkyuk is a sweetheart. Jooheon and Kihyun synchronised. Hyungwon needs to study but he's forced to interact with people. Hyunwoo just wants to lead a normal life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to stop being unfunny and try, but here I am updating and generally being a mess.
> 
> Usernames:  
> Hoseok: wonono  
> Changkyun: channy  
> Minhyuk: mickey   
> HyunwooL dadno  
> Kihyun: kiki  
> Hyungwon: turtle  
> Jooheon: gugugaga

**{Group chat: the three memeketeers}**

**[9.16 am]**

 

**wonono:** kids

 

**wonono:** children

 

**wonono:** my darlings

 

**wonono:**   i can see the read receipts you lousy dimwits

 

**channy:** hyung pls

 

**channy:** i was thinking of howt o break it to u that we ain't ur actual kids

 

**wonono:** kyunnie it's a bit too early into the year to be real like that

 

**channy** : i hate this world

 

**channy:** grant me death

 

**mickey** : no one is dying

 

**mickey:** what's wrong hyung?

 

**wonono** : thank you minnie for caring about me

 

**mickey:**  no _thank you_ for caring about me

 

**wonono:** _no thank_ -

 

**channy:** its too early for ur declarations of love can we reschedule it after ive had coffee

 

**mickey:** didn't you just have some?

 

**channy:** i need 3 before i feel partially awake

 

**wonono:** he has three projects to hand in he's dying

 

**mickey:** hwaiting kyunnie  ヾ(＾-＾)ノ

 

**channy:** so wats up hyung

 

**wonono** : i just finished moving into the new dorm block

 

**wonono:** the last one was just disastrous

 

**channy:** wow

 

**channy:** i can hear ur sighs from here 

 

**wonono:** because i am suffering

 

**mickey:**  your roommate kept bumping into stuff right?

 

**wonono** : and throwing up on the couch don't forget

 

**channy:** how could we ever

 

**mickey** : i'm glad changes are made because he was hitting on me even though i told him i'm seeing someone

 

**channy:** should we liek keep note of that

 

**wonono:** what do you mean

 

**channy:** in case hyunwoo hyung needs incentive to bash someone's head in

 

**wonono:**  yeah but it's hyunwoo hyung

 

**wonono:** he has one evil bone in his body and it's his appendix 

 

**mickey:** as a med student i'm obliged to inform you that that is not a bone

 

**mickey:** as your friend i'm obliged to inform you that you are doing sports medicine and you need to know what an appendix is

 

**wonono:** boo hoo

 

**channy:** im saving it anyways

 

**wonono** : the dorm has great views by the way

 

**wonono:** you should visit

 

**wonono:** by that i mean like today

 

**channy:** i will hyung dw

 

**mickey:** we both will

 

**wonono:** but that was not why i texted you ungrateful brats

 

**wonono:** actually it's just changkyun t ha t is ungrateful

 

**wonono:** minnie you are a blessing i hope hyunwoo treats you right

 

**channy:** i should be offended

 

**channy:** but its the truth

 

**wonono:** love you son  <3

 

**channy:** pls stop u make me nauseous

 

**minnie** : hyung why did you text us

 

**wonono** : sorry getting sidetracked 

 

**wonono** : was making my presence known around the block

 

**wonono:** got to this one dorm, knocked on it

 

**wonono:** out came these two excited kids like yes that is the reaction anyone should have when they see me

 

**wonono:** were checking me out and going damn son and everything

 

**channy:** stop preening

 

**wonono:** i can't i'm too hot

 

**channy: barfs**

 

**wonono** : but then another one came out

 

**channy:** if u see screenshots of dis on my phone

 

**channy:** i aint sorry

 

**wonono:** but this kid came from inside and i was like

 

**wonono:** take me and my money and every goddamn thing i own

 

**wonono:** because _damn_

 

**wonono:** with that face he could ask anyone for anything and they would pay him for speaking to them

 

**mickey** : it's such a strange expression

 

**channy:** wats strangr is our ability to understand it

 

**mickey:** advanced communication skills, i guess

 

**wonono:** i strive to be your level of optimism minnie-ah in every given situation but i can't

 

**channy:** did u take a pic

 

**wonono:** honey i was too busy absorbing his beauty to

 

**channy:** tell me u didnt embarrass urself

 

**wonono:** well

 

**mickey:** hyung

 

**wonono:** i am now in my room crying in distress

 

**channy:** wat did u do exactly

 

**wonono:** walked into the door while trying to not stare a lot

 

**mickey:**  are you okay hyung????

 

**channy:** im speechless i rlly am

 

**wonono:** okay in my defense he was hot, like really hot

 

**wonono:** i only bumped my cheek

 

**wonono:** and my nose

 

**wonono:** and my entire face onto the door

 

**channy:** im filing away all the shade and bitchiness i have in me to care for ur dumb face

 

**channy:** r u icing it

 

**wonono:** yes

 

**mickey:** would you like us to come over?

 

**wonono:** please

 

**channy:** ill meet u in the quad in 10 minhyuk hyung

 

 

**{Group chat: destructive fam}**

 

**dadno:** I cannot believe you guys embarrassed the entire floor by pulling that stunt yesterday

 

**gugugaga:** first of all

 

**kiki:** we didnt

 

**gugugaga:** the guy slammed into the door by huimsefl

 

**kiki:** secondly 

 

**gugugaga:** he embarrassed himsefk

 

**kiki:** not us

 

**kiki:** we were enabling it however

 

**gugugaga:** but that aint the same thing

 

**turtle:** pls stop with the synchronised debate shit im trynna study

 

**kiki:** u need to behave liek a normal teenager for once wonnie

 

**turtle:** psychology and design were a bad choice 

 

**turtle:** i am sufferng

 

**dadno:** Did the guy return after he noseplanted the door?

 

**gugugaga:** uh no he just ran off

 

**kiki:** ofc he did

 

**kiki:** hello

 

**gugugaga:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**kiki:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**dadno:** I don't know what that means and I do not have the energy to inquire

 

**dadno:** Minhyuk will be coming around later

 

**dadno:** He said he's bringing his friends

 

**dadno:** Please be nice

 

**dadno:** And, I know it's a lot to ask,  _normal_

 

**kiki:** u underestimate our potential

 

**gugugaga:** we _can_ be normal we just _choose_ not to

 

**kiki:** duh

 

**turtle:** ill be in my room, making no noises and pretending i dont exist

 

**gugugaga:** oh god hes in his moods

 

**kiki:** hyungwon-ah

 

**kiki:** as ur hyung

 

**turtle:** barely

 

**kiki:** _as ur hyung_ , i need u to absorb vitamin c bc u need dat shit to survive

 

**kiki:** u also need human interaction

 

**gugugaga:** we will personally drag u out of ur room if u do not haul ur pretty ass out by the time minhyuk hyung gets here

 

**dadno:** What did you guys eat today that makes this miracle a reality

 

**kiki:** i cooked steak

 

**dadno:** Must be it

 

**turtle:** my project is due literally -

 

**dadno:** No

 

**turtle:** but

 

**dadno:** I said no

 

**dadno:** Come outside and talk to people

 

**dadno:** I know the wifi code and I have the keys to your room

 

**dadno:** I will use everything in my arsenal to make sure you step out of that room Hyungwon-ah

 

**kiki:** how terrifying

 

**gugugaga:** hyung is turning slightly pale lm a o 

 

**turtle:** fine gee

 

**turtle:** one hr

 

**gugugaga:** celebratory dance yay

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think it could go anywhere but somehow it did? Thank you so much!!!! (ღˇᴗˇ)｡o
> 
> Please don't be afraid to comment and give me lots of kudos. I live on comments. 
> 
> *Find the very well-known quote


	4. he's seen my downfall i won't have him ridiculing me on my doorstep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon broke his shin while trying to type and walk. There is a lot of spastic typing. Minhyuk is lowkey the mastermind of everything and he knows everything - he has connection everywhere. Hoseok gets to redeem his first impression and Tsundere!Kihyun makes an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hyunwoo: dadno, hyunbear  
> Hoseok: seok  
> Minhyuk: wifey, hyuk, minnie  
> Kihyun: kiki, hamsterson  
> Hyungwon: turtle  
> Jooheon: gugugaga, squint

**{Private chat: hyunwoo bear <3}**

**minnie** : hey hyung?

  
**hyunbear:** Yes dear

  
**minnie:** stop you're making me giggly

  
**hyunbear:** When will you be here?

  
**hyunbear:** We forced Hyungwon from his cramming session and we need you to work your forceful angel magic to make him stay out of his room

  
**minnie:** are you just using my amazing personality to lure your kid out?

  
**minnie:** hyung i thought we had something special (ू˃̣̣̣̣̣̣︿˂̣̣̣̣̣̣ ू)  ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

 

 **hyunbear:** I'm sorry if it seems that way

  
**hyunbear:** But let's be honest, you would say yes either way

  
**minnie** : ....

  
**minnie:** i hate it when you're right

  
**hyunbear:** I wouldn't use you without first informing you of the fact

  
**hyunbear:** And I'm offended you think I would use you in any way shape or form

  
**hyunbear:** I'd rather run myself through something sharp before that thought can even manifest in my mind

  
**minnie:** you're so weirdly romantic i don't know why i'm attracted to that

 

 **hyunbear:** Thank you for your glowing opinions on me

  
**hyunbear:** Take care of yourself on the way here

  
**hyunbear:** Wear something warm

  
**minnie:** yes mum

  
**hyunbear:** Kihyun said hi 

  
**minnie:** KIHYUNNIE MY LIL HAMSTER SON

  
**hyunbear:** You love my children more than me I knew it

  
**minnie:** i will bring food with me do not worry

  
**minnie:** i love you

  
**minnie:** i'll see you soon

  
**hyunbear:** I'll be waiting near the window anyways

 

 **hyunbear:** Kihyun is teasing me I can hear him give me two seconds to scold him

 

 **minnie:** don't be too harsh on your children now hyung

  
**minnie:** 15 minutes 

  
**hyunbear:** You need to go before you actually promise anything

  
**minnie:** you really like to dampen my fun o(TヘTo) く

  
**minnie:** say it backkkkk

  
**hyunbear:** 15 minutes yeobo

  
**minnie:** yayayayayayayayayayayayay

 

**{Group chat: destructive fam}**

  
**kiki** changes their name to **hamsterson**

  
**gugugaga** changes their name to **squint**

  
**dadno:** Why

  
**hamsterson:** because if minhyukkie calls me hamster son ill be the damn hamster son

  
**squint:** hyung hes so nice how u lucked out so much omo

 

 **dadno:** Are you belittling me for not being good enough to attract him or praising me for being a catch?

 

 **hamsterson:** whatever u want hyung idk

 

 **squint:** damn such a shady bitch

 

 **hamsterson:** ikr ho

 

 **turtle:** i dont liek this sunlight

  
**turtle:** its ruining my corneas

 

 **hamsterson:** in wat world does vitamin c damage ur corneas

 

 **turtle:** r u looking at it directly liek i am

 

 **hamsterson:** shit ur rite soz fam

  
**dadno:** You need vitamin C before you collapse from vitamin deficiency

  
**turtle:** its literally in my fachfsdkamw wDhrbjgkl

  
**squint:** Y IS DERE A BANG WW WKLOOMO R U LIVING HYUNGEW

  
**hamsterson:** did U WALK INTO THE DAMN DOOR WHIEL EON UR POIJHNE U LIL UNDERDEVELIPED POTATTO

  
**dadno:** Hyungwon-ah

  
**turtle:** IM AOASMN OAKDU

  
**squint:** LT ME COME GET U

  
**dadno:** Hyungwon-ah

  
**turtle:** hi dad

  
**dadno:** Sit down

 

 **turtle:** i am down

 

 **turtle:** on the floor

 

 **turtle:** in pain

 

 **dadno:** Put pressure on whatever's bleeding or bruising

  
**turtle:** howd u kno

  
**turtle:** okay i can see kihyun runni g ITS ALL G IM HERE FOR HIM

  
**squint:** WAI T Y IS THERE SCREECHING I DONT UNERSTAND LIFE

  
**dadno:** That's the doorbell

  
**squint:** A WHUT

  
**dadno:** I will answer the door don't panic

  
**squint:** BUT SO MUCH BLOOD EU SHEWNDSWD I CAN HEAR MESELE FAINT

  
**turtle:** OMO IS DAT MINNIE I SEE HI HYUBNG

  
**dadno:** I regret letting anyone in this dorm ever

  
  
**{Private chat: seokkie hyung}**

  
**hyuk:** hyung

  
**seok:** yo

  
**seok:** i'm bruising

  
**hyuk:** hyung a kid of mine broke his shin

 

 **hyuk:** there's some blood

 

 **hyuk:** and stuff

   
**hyuk:** i don't know if he actually broke anything

 

 **seok:** you the medicine major

 

 **seok:** is asking me the sports medicine major to diagnose an injury

  
**hyuk:** no i need just your first aid kit

  
**seok:** oh i'll bring it over where you at

  
**hyuk:** number 19

  
**seok:** what

  
**hyuk:** 19, in your block

  
**seok:** minhyuk-ah

  
**seok:** _i can't be there_

  
**hyuk:** is there something i'm missing

  
**seok:** that's the dorm place i embarrassed myself in front of

  
**seok:** my nose is still bruising please have pity on me

  
**hyuk:** well

  
**hyuk:** that's severely unfortunate

  
**seok:** _you don't say_

  
**hyuk:** how about i'll head over and get the kit from you?

  
**seok:** yes please

  
**seok:** omo you're such a godsend

  
**hyuk:** wait a kid of mine wants to come

  
**seok:** seriously you need to control your children the numbers are getting out of hand

  
**seok:** and if he's from over that dorm i can't allow him in

 

 **seok:** he's seen my downfall i won't have him ridiculing me on my doorstep

 

 **seok:** not if i can help it

  
**hyuk:** he'll stand outside

 

 **hyuk:** where minimal to no ridiculing can occur

  
**hyuk:**  i just want my baby to be okay again i'm quite anxious

  
**seok:** who got hurt?

  
**hyuk:** hyungwon-ah

  
**hyuk:** he's so delicate

  
**hyuk:** really tall but really thin arms and legs

  
**hyuk:** has a pretty face and big eyes

  
**seok:** _o   m   o_

  
**hyuk:** oh no

 

 **hyuk:** what's wrong now?

  
**seok:** oh yes

  
**hyuk:** you hurt yourself trying to look good in front of hyungwon-ah?

  
**seok:** don't judge your elder

 

 **hyuk:** well i'm not

  
**seok:** and he was hot, alright?

  
**hyuk:** dear us you need to find someone

  
**hyuk:** or whatever jooheonie says

  
**hyuk:** get dicked down?

  
**seok:** i'm locking you out don’t intrude on my haven

  
**hyuk:** i am outside and i have a spare key

  
**seok:** is this what betrayal feels like

 

 **seok:**  ...why is your friend panicking

  
**hyuk:** hyungwon did his shin in he broke the first layer of skin

  
**seok:** oh fuck

  
**seok:** want me to have a look at it?

  
**hyuk:**  i'd send you a photo but he's going into shock as well and he refuses to stay still for me to look at him

  
**hyuk:**  i had hyunwoo-hyung hold him down and two more kids pinning his legs but god the boy kicks hard

  
**hyuk:** jooheonie has a bruise on his cheek and kihyun got a foot in his eye

  
**seok:** yeah i can see

  
**seok:** let me wear my face mask I'm coming

 

 **{Group chat: destructive fam}**  
**hoenneylee** adds **minnielee** to group chat  **destructive fam**

  
**hamsterson** changes the chat's name to **wholesome fam**

  
**minnielee** changes their name to **wif** **ey**

  
**wifey:** hey kids

  
**squint:** hyung did u just got the extremely hot guy from next door to rush over to look at hyungwon's injuries?????

  
**wifey:** perhaps ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  
**squint:** ur so amazing i look up to u so much ily

  
**wifey:** but also he knows first aid and i don't so there's that as well

  
**squint:** is kihyun hyung crying

  
**wifey:** let me give him a hug

  
**squint:**  hyung u look so soft liek a hamster

  
**wifey:** kihyun is screaming at you to be quiet he'll step on your 'pancake ass cheeks'

 

 **wifey:** such an interesting combination of insults

 

 **hamsterson:** y must everyone bring me down dis way

  
**wifey:** is hyungwon breathing normally now

  
**hamsterson:** ye

  
**hamsterson:** dat shock was so scary idw to see it again 

  
**wifey:** there there

  
**squint:** yesterday wen he hit his nose on the door it was the funniest shit ive seen

  
**squint:** but damn hes so concentrated now and look how srs he looks wow

 

 **squint:** hyungwon hyung should snag him up kwik before kihyun hyung does

 

 **hamsterson:** my standards r high thanks i dont date guys who slammed themselves in doors when they see hot ppl

 

 **hamsterson:** wat if i clean up nicely and he'll knock himself out on a lamp post or smthing

 

 **squint:** lolololololololol rip hot guy from nexr door toasted and burtn

 

 **wifey:** there you go again being all mean to others

 

 **wifey:** his name is hoseok 

 

 **squint:** _nice_

 

 **hamsterson:** hes opening his eyes i gotta check ill coem back hyung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot of accidental harm in this one and no funny scenarios. I'm sorry. But I'll try to update again soon where the fic will resume being funny. Please read and support my child and I. Comments and kudos motivate me.


	5. my goodhearted little garden spade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoseok shows his first aid skills. There are some (major) roasting sessions in the group chat. Everybody is adopted by Minhyuk.
> 
> (Apologies if this one is too long.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hamsterson: u know at first i thought u were badass and cool with the biker jacket and aviators  
> hamsterson: but den u slammed ur nose into my front door while ogling my dongsaeng  
> hamsterson: already all respect went out with u as u escaped with wats left of ur dignity  
> hamsterson: but now ur even trashier  
> hamsterson: so like im finding less and less reason to call u hyung u don’t deserve the honorific  
> seokkie: why must you hurt me with your words like this  
> hamsterson: i can always use smthing else  
> hamsterson: srry we dont have rocks but its seoul no one has rocks lying in their house  
> seokkie: kid  
> seokkie: please  
> seokkie: have pity on my old man soul  
> hamsterson: i told u i was evil

**{group chat : wholesome fam}**

  

**wifey:** i love it

 

**wifey:** i'm an amazing enabler

 

**squint:** i can see him with heart eyes eww

 

**squint:** but also _niceeee_   ° ͜ʖ ͡ – ✧

 

**hamsterson:** dis hoseok punk

 

**wifey:** he's only a bit younger than hyunwoo-hyung

 

**hamsterson:** oh shit how much

 

**wifey:** 9 months or so

 

**squint** : dammn

 

**squint:** hes liek our hyung

 

**hamsterson:** ye nah

 

**squint:** hes doing some medical stuff to hyungwon's knee

 

**squint:** it looks impressive

 

**wifey:** i'm helping but my first aid skill is terrible

 

**wifey:** like actually terrible

 

**hamsterson:** i find dat a worry wen ur doing med

 

**wifey:** me too son me too

 

**dadno:** Hyungwon is to be on the couch

 

**dadno:** I'll be on medicine run

 

**dadno:** Minhyuk will properly handle all responsibility in this household

 

**wifey:** are you sure

 

**dadno:** I have less faith in Kihyun than you

 

**dadno:** Ergo, you're the least dangerous choice

 

**wifey:** wow love you too hyung

 

**squint:** can u buy me fish cakes on the way

 

**dadno:** I'll try but I have to rush over to Hoseok-ssi's apartment to grab his first aid kit I'll be back

 

**wifey** adds **wonhoseok** to the chat **wholesome fam**

 

**wifey** changes **wonhoseok** to **seokkie**

 

**seokkie:** what is this where am i

 

**squint:** HI NOSE DOOR HYUNG

 

**seokkie:** WHY CAN'T YOU LET ME LIVE

 

**squint:** LMAOOOO UR STILL BRUISING I CAN SEE SWELLING ON UR FACE

 

**seokkie:** FUCK OFF YOU BANANA BREAD

 

**hamsterson:** hows hyungwon-ah?

 

**seokkie:** he'll be fine once we tape everything together

 

**seokkie:** minhyuk hyung you're a snitch

 

**seokkie:** i'm taking back my spare key even if i have to fight hyunwoo hyung for it

 

**wifey:** okay first of all you left your place by your own accord

 

**wifey:** secondly you can't our love is strong i hope you enjoy being pummelled to the ground

 

**squint:** is dis wat anarchy feels liek

 

**hamsterson:** im surprised u even know how to spell it let alone use it in the rite context

 

**seokkie:** damn this kid is shady as fuck who are you @hamsterson?

 

**hamsterson:** yoo kihyun

 

**hamsterson:** music major

 

**seokkie:** wait i know you

 

**seokkie:** the obnoxious bubblegum head?

 

**hamsterson:** .....

 

**squint:** im almost too afraid to speak but im yoloing anyways

 

**hamsterson:** yes fk sake thats me

 

**hamsterson:** the whole campus knows who i am

 

**seokkie:** pretty sure i heard your name go with he did that one dance at soonyoung's and i'm now a changed man

 

**seokkie:** if that helps

 

**squint:** i told u ur hair makes u stand out

 

**squint:** in a gud way

 

**hamsterson:** my goodhearted little garden spade

 

**hamsterson:** i look as intimidating as a shrivelled leaf

 

**hamsterson:** ppl coo at me

 

**hamsterson:** i am a creature of darkness the prince of hell ppl should cower in fear wen they see me

 

**seokkie:** i only know you for a total of 10 minutes

 

**seokkie:** but buddy no matter what colour you have on your hair you'll never be intimidating

 

**hamsterson:**  can u not

 

**hamsterson:** look at these legs

 

**hamsterson:** ur arms r probs bigger than both my legs combined

 

**seokkie:** thanks kid

 

**wifey:** hyungwon is fine now

 

**wifey:** he's recovered from shock

 

**seokkie:** i'll check up on him in a few minutes

 

**wifey:** how delightful!

 

**wifey:** you've met my sons

 

**squint:** im

 

**squint:** wat is a mother i only know minnie hyung

 

**hamsterson:** im so blessed so moved so grateful for dis opportunity

 

**wifey:** aww come now don't be like that

 

**wifey:** your mothers would be heartbroken

 

**wifey:** you don't want that do you?

 

**squint:** hyung be my mum hyung

 

**seokkie:** so if you and hyunwoo divorce who get which kid?

 

**hamsterson:** we'll both go with minnie hyung tbh

 

**squint:** kihyun hyung can cook minnie hyung can mother

 

**squint:** its not a hard decision

 

**seokkie:** hyung are you seeing this easy betrayal where are you you dumb bear

 

**wifey:** i don't think we'll ever get to that stage

 

**hamsterson:** literally u were taking the piss outta each other before he left

 

**wifey:** it's a marriage dear

 

**wifey:** we can't be in the honeymoon phase forever

 

**squint:** i doubt dat but sure

 

**squint:** watever floats ur boat hyung

 

**seokkie:** bitch you never had a fight in all the time you guys are together

 

**seokkie:** you take the piss out of each other all the time

 

**seokkie:** but then you dm him and you two are all

 

**seokkie:** i'd cross all the valleys in the world to see you smile and i'll pluck the constellation of love from the sky to weave into your hair or some shit

 

**squint:** dats so oddly specific

 

**seokkie:** minnie does drama

 

**seokkie:** these are tame lines child

 

**hamsterson:** u know at first i thought u were badass and cool with the biker jacket and aviators

 

**hamsterson:** but den u slammed ur nose into my front door while ogling my dongsaeng

 

**hamsterson:** already all respect went out with u as u escaped with wats left of ur dignity

 

**hamsterson:** but now ur even trashier

 

**hamsterson:** so like im finding less and less reason to call u hyung u don’t deserve the honorific

 

**seokkie:** why must you hurt me with your words like this

 

**hamsterson:** i can always use smthing else

 

**hamsterson:** srry we dont have rocks but its seoul no one has rocks lying in their house

 

**seokkie:** kid

 

**seokkie:** please

 

**seokkie:** have pity on my old man soul

 

**hamsterson:** i told u i was evil

 

**seokkie:** you actually are under all that pink fairy fluff

 

**seokkie:** a demon's heart with an angel's face

 

**wifey:** i knew you would all get along fine

 

**turtle:** theres so much spam jfc

 

**squint:** bro

 

**squint:** dude

 

**squint:** hyung

  

**turtle:** we're close enuff to speak informally anyways idm

 

**turtle:** hoseok-ssi

 

**turtle:** ur still around?

 

**seokkie:** i need to bandage you up before i leave

 

**seokkie:** apparently kihyun here can cook?

 

**hamsterson:** who said dat

 

**seokkie:** so i'm staying because i can't cook

 

**hamsterson:** hyunwoo said it damn him the stumped mushroom

 

**wifey:** he can see everything you know that right?

 

**hamsterson:** i'll have it bolded and underlined in the thickest font and slap it over the front door

 

**squint:** damn shady kiki strike again

 

**seokkie:** but if you don't want me to i'll leave hyungwon-ssi

 

**hamsterson:** y r u two so polite wtf

 

**squint:** dats weird

 

**turtle:** bc i want to be respectful for someone who stopped my fits u dipshits

 

**hamsterson:**  sure buddy

 

**turtle:** not all of you deserve my respect

 

**squint:**  

 

**turtle:** i cannot live with the two of u wen can i move out

 

**wifey:** you're more than welcome to crash with me and my dongsaeng

 

**wifey:** he's the cutest little thing you'll love him

 

**turtle:** ill keep that in mind thanks hyung

 

**seokkie:** you never let me in what the fuck

 

**wifey:** you make a mess whenever you come in

 

**wifey:** i think i saw more protein shakes than actual food in mykitchen for the sole 15 minutes you visited me last week

 

**hamsterson:** idk y yall call me shady

 

**hamsterson:** when the actual shade master is here damn hyung

 

**squint:** ur nice but not at the same time pls adopt me

 

**wifey:** i did already don't fear children

 

**seokkie:**  what am i then, chopped liver?

 

**wifey:**  you're my in-law

 

**seokkie:** how the fuck am i your in law

 

**wifey:** you're connected with hyunwoo hyung through a gym bond

 

**turtle:** my brother thru sweat my brother thru tears guy

 

**squint:** ye

 

**hamsterson:**  so ill give u respect for a day bc ur technically my uncle

 

**seokkie:** you must be such a problem child

 

**hamsterson:** i wear distressed jeans and i have pastel hair

 

**hamsterson:** i am a literal tumblr grunge girl ofc i am a problem child

 

**squint:** hyunwoo hyung is back!!!!!

 

**dadno:** I don't even want to ask or read any of this

 

**seokkie:** nice i'll start wrapping

 

**dadno:** Why is Kihyun pulling out ingredients

 

**hamsterson:** its already been decided

 

**hamsterson:** hes staying for dinner

 

**squint:** u cant say no

 

**squint:** minnie hyung already said yes

 

**dadno:** I see my authority has been compromised

 

**wifey:**  i'd like to think of it as a cooperative family dynamic

 

**dadno:** No

 

**wifey:** hyung you're so cute let me hug you your sulking face is so cute

 

**turtle:** _aaaaand_ im muting dis chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't deserve half the kudos and hits and nice comments yet they keep on coming??? You guys are seriously the best I love Monbebes and other fandoms who are reading this mess of a chat fic. Please keep supporting me as we progress on to see Hoseok (failing) trying to flirt with Hyungwon and Kihyun throwing shade left right and centre.


	6. u gave me flashbacks of milk left outside for a day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoseok is given a spare key to the apartment. He is now one of them. Changkyun is allergic to nature and Hyungwon gets people to come hear him DJ. There is a scheme against Kihyun. Jooheon is a wholesome being and must be protected. Hyunwoo is a whole father and husband. Kihyun is that friend who is creepy, probably knows it, tries to be even creepier around you just to annoy you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got 100+ kudos I cannot believe my eyes???? You guys are so nice I cannot believe you would like this so much I'm trying to update as much as I can the hits are like nearly 900 I cannot believe it. Wow. Gee. I'm so moved thank you so much. Please keep supporting me and send wonderful comments my way I do answer them all. Once again thank you so much!!!!
> 
> Changkyun: channi, channy  
> Hoseok: seokkie, wonono, hoeseok, seok  
> Minhyuk: wifey, mickey, hyuk  
> Hyunwoo: dadno  
> Kihyun: hamsterson  
> Hyungwon: turtle  
> Jooheon: squint

**{Group chat: wholesome fam}**

 

 **seokkie:** that was such a good meal please let me have the key to your apartment from now on i want to eat your food forever

 

 **hamsterson:** no soz i dont give free food to ppl outside of this dorm get ur damn food somewhere else

 

 **dadno:** You say that and I can see you literally looking for the spare keys I cut

 

 **hamsterson:** oh shut up

 

 **wifey:** it's next to the knives

 

 **hamsterson:** this family is full of snakes and i want out

 

 **dadno:** Make sure you peel the mangoes 

 

 **hamsterson:** where is justice 

 

 **squint:** hyungwon hyung lemme sign ur leg

 

 **turtle:** its not a cast heonie

 

 **squint:** oh well

 

 **squint:** if i can draw on it idm

 

 **turtle:** i dont want to be poisoned by markers pls child these layers r thin

 

 **seokkie:** jooheonie

 

 **squint:** eeeeehhhh hiiiii hyungieeeeee

 

 **seokkie:** wow

 

 **seokkie:** can i adopt him

 

 **wifey:** no you have kyunnie

 

 **seokkie:** you have like 3

 

 **seokkie:** never mind that

 

 **seokkie:** jooheonie the bandages are thin and they're not marker proof

 

seokkie: we can play uno on the carpet if you want

 

 **turtle:** okay that game is for children how do u expect him to-

 

 **squint:** IM SOLD SIGN ME TF UP

 

 **hamsterson:** BITCH U BETTER NOT PLAY EITHOUT ME IMMA KARATE CHOP A TABLE

 

 **dadno:** Hoseok-ssi

 

 **seokkie:** hyung we see each other three times a week please stop doing that

 

 **seokkie:** you're taller than me and you have biceps that are bigger than my entire chest

 

 **wifey:** does he?

 

 **wifey:** i never measured so i didn't know

 

 **turtle:** urgh pls dont idw to hear what goes on behind the scene

 

 **squint:** I GOT CARDS HURRY

 

 **seokkie:** lemme call channy first

 

 **wifey:** tell him i'll bring food back

 

 **seokkie:** he's probably not back yet don't stress

 

 **hamsterson:** Y R U DIVINDING SHIT UP ALREADT U FRAZZLED BROOM

 

 **squint:** LET ME LIVE

 

**{Private chat: lil angel}**

**hoeseok:** hey kid

 

 **channi:** yo hyung

 

 **hoeseok:** you ate yet?

 

 **channi:** nah

 

 **channi:** this hayfever's killing my appetite 

 

 **hoeseok:** well i got some congee if you're feeling hungry

 

 **channi:** yes pls ill take that

 

 **hoeseok:** minnie and i will be walking back soon do you need anything else?

 

 **channi:** can u ask mother nature to make hayfever extinct?

 

 **hoseseok:** kid i have 1000 won in my pocket ask for something cheaper

 

 **channi:** buy me tea

 

 **hoeseok:** i'll make you tea do not worry

 

**{Group chat: wholesome fam}**

**seokkie:** it is regrettable

 

 **seokkie:** but i must depart

 

 **turtle:** u told us minhyuk hyung does drama but ur the real drama queen aroubd here

 

 **hamsterson:** quit that crap u gave me flashbacks of milk left outside for a day

 

 **seokkie:** i thought i was getting accepted but apparently i was wrong

 

 **dadno:** That was their initiation

 

 **dadno:** Don't worry about that too much 

 

 **dadno:** This is who they are 

 

 **wifey:** i'm walking back with hoseok hyung

 

 **dadno:** Let me grab my coat

 

 **seokkie:** why must you subject me to third wheeling

 

 **turtle:** i can come

 

 **turtle:** wait no i cant

 

 **turtle:** sorry hyung i wanted to meet ur roommate in case i need to temporarily  ~~permanently~~ move into ur dorm

 

 **hamsterson:** can this bitch get any shadier 

 

 **squint:** OOOOH OOOH ILL COME

 

 **squint:** WE CAN GO TOGETHER

 

 **wifey:** grab your coat dear

 

 **dadno:** And wear your scarf

 

 **seokkie:** don't forget to wear warm socks!

 

 **turtle:** he wanted to walk one person home and he got adopted by three grown ass men

 

 **hamsterson:** the power of jooheon

 

 **seokkie:** i like cute things and i want to coddle them

 

 **hamsterson:** how abt tall and lean ( ͡͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °)

 

 **seokkie:** i'm literally single as fuck anyone who show interest in me would do

 

 **turtle:** how desperate of u

 

 **seokkie:** i said show interest not anyone

 

 **seokkie:** hell i have standards

 

 **seokkie:** but yes taller guys

 

 **seokkie:** i'm into taller guys are you happy now kihyun

 

 **hamsterson:** very much so  ( ͡͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °)

 

 **turtle:** ur so creepy

 

 **dadno:** Kihyun-ah don't piss Hoseok off

 

 **dadno:** He's a 'certified petty bastard' according to Minhyuk

 

 **dadno:** Holds grudges forever, will lash at you when you least expect it kinda man

 

 **seokkie:** that's right kid

 

 **seokkie:** be careful around your dorm  ( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)

 

 **turtle:** i have a dj gig on saturday night

 

 **turtle:** u all r obligated to attend as my moral support and my road crew

 

 **wifey:** even if you forbid us to go we would've come anyways

 

 **squint:** BRO DUDE THATS SO COOL LEMME COME UP TO THE BOX WITH U

 

 **dadno:** Just a time and a place

 

 **dadno:** Then we'll be there

 

 **turtle:** ok mayve later its late u guys should go quickly

 

 **wifey:** we have hyunwoo-hyung and hoseok hyung

 

 **wifey:** we'll be fine

 

 **hamsterson:** i want to  t ell  u ur wrong but ur not bc i see ur point 

 

 **turtle:** just go   o  m   g 

 

 

**{Group chat: the three memeketeers}**

**wonono:** hey kid

 

 **channy:** yoo hyung

 

 **wonono:** a friend of mine is dj-ing at the club outside campus on saturday night

 

 **wonono:** interested?

 

 **channy:** will there be alcohol to drown away my sorrows?

 

 **wonono:** as long as minnie isn't looking you can drink as much as you want

 

 **mickey:** i can see these

 

 **mickey:** but don't force yourself out of bed yet you might be sneezing again 

 

 **channy:** its ok i wanna go anyways

 

 **channy:** just drag me along before u leave minnie hyung

 

 

**{Private chat: seokkie hyung}**

**hyuk:** hey hyung

 

 **seok:** yeah

 

 **hyuk:** you're scheming

 

 **seok:** perhaps

 

 **hyuk:** please don't recreate that thing where you write changkyun's number in every toilet cubicle door in random places

 

 **hyuk:** we already have jooheon handing out kihyun's number every friday night at the club hyungwon is dj-ing

 

 **seok:** you have given me more information to work with than ever

 

 **hyuk:** oh god what have i done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theories, comments, compliments, anything - please let me know your thoughts on my work and I will be as fast as I can in replying. 
> 
> PS: The end is a dead giveaway. Can you guess what might happen in the next update? 
> 
> PPS: I love Monbebes and Monsta X so much. This fandom is so amazingly supportive. And those who aren't in the fandom and are simply having a bit of a laugh - thank you too. You're all nice and sweet and I want to hug you all.


	7. i felt that in my dead black soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many things happen. Hyunwoo is simultaneously a romantic who would walk Minhyuk in the park true to the style of Jane Austen. Jooheon is a child influenced by Youtube but is responsible while everybody is smashed. Minhyuk is constantly stressed and always done. Hoseok is bashed and mentioned but also a petty asshole. Hyungwon DJs. Changkyun's drink got spiked and the weirdest texts happen. Kihyun looked Changkyun up on Facebook and ticked off all the standards in his book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will explain everything in later chapters, I promise. But here it is another one - I cannot believe the tremendous love and support I received like over 1k hits? Amazing. I will update as much as I can because it's going somewhere. It's quite long and confusing but hopefully I will be able to update soon enough to clarify what exactly went down at the DJ-ing session. 
> 
> Usernames:  
> Hyunwoo: dadno, hyunbear  
> Minhyuk: mum, wifey, hyuk, minmum, minnie, mickey  
> Hoseok: seok, wonono  
> Hyungwon: h.one  
> Jooheon: honeybooboo  
> Kihyun: hamsterson, pinkangel, salt  
> Changkyun: channy, kyuson, descartes

**{Group chat: wholesome fam}**

**turtle** changes their name to **h.one**

 **squint** changes their name to **honeyboo**

 

 **hamsterson:** god no that kid scares me til this day

 

 **honeyboo** changes their name to **honeybooboo**

 

 **hamsterson:** u know what u blunt piece of broken crayon

 

 **h.one** : hyung y r u hitting me y

 

 **h.one** : hit jooheon

 

 **hamsterson:** do u think i could

 

 **h.one** : ur rite

 

 **h.one:** but im injured spare me 

 

 **hamsterson:**  ....

 

 **hamsterson:** very well

 

 **h.one:** i just escaped abuse praise the lord

 

 **dadno:** I wanted to pick up Minhyuk but seeing as how there are only 3 of us and a mess that looks like it's done by 12 I don't think that can be achieved 

 

 **dadno:** Wait no Hoseok is picking him up for me

 

 **dadno:** I'm still going to call him before he leaves and before he gets there I don't trust Hoseok

 

 **turtle:** hyung u keep giving me unrealistic expectations

 

 **honeybooboo:** _sameeee_

 

 **honeybooboo:** liek my boo better buy me all the shit that i want

 

 **h.one** : language ur liek 10

 

 **honeybooboo:** can u stop

 

 **hamsterson:** he needs to call me everyday to check up and walk me to places

 

 **hamsterson:** fuck cars ice caps r melting 

 

 **hamsterson:** some good ol stroll in the park is actually better

 

 **honeybooboo:** i wanted to laugh but i was liek damn walking the park 

 

 **honeybooboo:** some kdrama romantic feels going off there dad good on ya

 

 **dadno:** Let's not endorse me too much now children

 

 **hamsterson** : u do give unrealistic expectations for us lowly mortals

 

 **h.one** : wat r the chances that another son hyunwoo exist

 

 **dadno:** I'm flattered and touched

 

 **dadno:** I thought the ability to genuinely compliment someone is something you three can never achieve

 

 **hamsterson:** hahahahaha shut up u bloated chicken

 

 **dadno:** But Minhyuk mentioned something about Hoseok being the gentleman

 

 **dadno:** So I mean chivalrous people aren't  _that_ rare

 

 **honeybooboo:** hoseok as in the guy who slammed into the door on our first meeting

 

 **honeybooboo:** that one?

 

 **dadno:** Truthfully I don't know how many Hoseoks Minhyuk actually speaks to

 

 **hamsterson:** lies u know all of his friends

 

 **dadno:** The only Hoseok he speaks of is Shin Hoseok, the 'guy who slammed into the door on our first meeting'

 

 **dadno:** Also the same one that he said is a 'true romantic sappy man who would willingly reenact Jane Austen for anyone who's willing to put up with him'

 

 **hamsterson:**  i knew that man child was a man whore

 

 **h.one** : ur so obsessed with him hes all i can hear ratting off abt

 

 **hamsterson:** bc i wanna marry him duh

 

 **honeybooboo:** lol

 

 **h.one** : ok who uses lol anymore its 2017 

 

 **h.one** : well hes coming tonite u'll be able to talk then hyung

 

 **hamsterson:**  wut

 

 **honeybooboo:** wut lel

 

 **h.one** : u need to stop

 

 **h.one** : he'll be tagging along tonite? u can chat him up then?

 

 **hamsterson:** i was being sarcastic kid

 

 **h.one** : oh

 

 **hamsterson:** no

 

 **hamsterson:** god _no_

 

 **hamsterson:** he slammed into the goddamn door while ogling someone

 

 **hamsterson:** my standards will not allow dumb ppl for consideration

 

 **hamsterson:** hes gotta be at least a lil smart with functioning brain cells and not make out with doors as a first impression

 

 **dadno:** You're probably judging the man way too much there Kihyunnie

 

 **hamsterson:** my judgement is always rite dont doubt my prowess u empty tub of ice cream 

 

 **honeybooboo:** i cant wait until he reads all of this

 

 **honeybooboo:** wait ill snapchat it to him

 

 **hamsterson:** tell him i say dont be late otherwise ill cut him

 

 **h.one** : how did u all get so close in the 2 hrs that i broke my shin

 

 **hamsterson:** wat can i say

 

 **hamsterson:** im a social butterfly

 

 **dadno:** When I introduced you to Minhyuk back in first year of high school you refused to see me for an entire week because you might run into him

 

 **dadno:** It took you three weeks before you can even say a single 'hi' to him

 

 **hamsterson:** hyunwoo-yah

 

 **hamsterson:** fite me bitch

 

 **dadno:** You have no counterarguments against me I know you for too long

 

 

**{Group chat: the three memeketeers}**

**wonono:** hey kids i'm outside

 

 **channy:** im ready less go

 

 **mickey:** don't drink too much okay?

 

 **channy:** dw hyung 

 

 **channy:** im too deep into sorrow

 

**{Group chat: wholesome fam}**

**[7.38 pm]**

**wifey:** HOLD ON IT'S A BAR HOW CAN JOOHEON GET IN

 

 **h.one** : its ok hyung its for everyone

 

 **wifey:** YOU TELL ME THAT AND I JUST SAW SEOKMIN SNEAK IN A BOTTLE OF VODKA

 

 **honeybooboo:** whats the worse that can happen srsly hyung

 

**[9.45 pm]**

**honeybooboo:** SHIT SHIT I WAS ERONG FAM HELP PLS

 

 **wifey:** WHERE ARE YOU WHERE IS HYUNWOO

 

 **honeybooboo:** HYUGN IS DRAGGING HYUNGWON OFF THE STAGE

 

 **wifey:** WHERE'S HOSEOK??

 

 **honeybooboo:** I THINK HES GETIING A CAB OMO HYUNG WAT DO WE DOOOO

 

 **wifey:** LET'S BE CALM

 

 **wifey:** I am calm

 

 **wifey:** Go stand outside I need to get someone out and we can go home

 

 **honeybooboo:** OKIE HYUNG 

 

**{Private chat: kyunnie}**

**minmum:** WHERE ARE YOU KYUNNIE

 

 **minmum:** I LOOKED AROUND AND YOU WEREN'T THERE

 

 **minmum:** MEET ME OUTSIDE

 

 **kyuson:** heyeyeuih hyung

 

 **kyuson:** uh i ain't kyunnie or someone 

 

 **minmum:** WHICH OF MY CHILDREN ARE YOU

 

 **kyuson:** JOOHEONIENHYUNG

 

 **kyuson:** dw im helping him get the shit out out his system

 

 **minmum:** DRAG HIM WITH YOU AND CATCH A CAB

 

 **kyuson:** HYUNG LEGIT RITE NOW ONLY KIHYUN IS AROUND EVERYBDY LEFT ALRDY

 

 **kyuson:** URGH HYUNG IMMA HUERL SOZ I GOTTA LEAVE KIHYUNS NUMBER WITH HIM AND

 

 **kyuson:** NOPEEEEE

 

 **minmum:** OH GOD

 

**{Private chat: hyunbear <3}**

  **minnie:** OH GOD HYUNG

 

 **hyunbear:** What is it what's wrong where are you

 

 **minnie:** I just got on a cab and I LEFT THREE KIDS IN AN ALCOHOL CRAZED BAR BY THEMSELVES

 

 **minnie:** IS KIHYUN STILL IN THERE??

 

 **hyunbear:** I'm still in here don't worry I got Jooheon and Kihyun

 

 **hyunbear:** Your kid is Changkyun right? Lim Changkyun? I got him as well

 

 **hyunbear:** Don't worry, get home safe, I'll call you once we're all in one cab

 

 **minnie:** HYUNG YOU ARE A GODSEND

 

 **hyunbear:** JUST STAY PUT 

 

**{Private chat}**

**unknown** : yooooo dude

 

 **descartes:** eyyyyyy brooooo the ceiling is spinning 

 

 **unknown:** niceeeeeeeee

 

 **descartes:** dude do u know that u cant sneeze with ur eyes open

 

 **unknown:** brooooo that's so smarttttt

 

 **unknown:** i cannot believe u drunk text a stranger jfc kiki

 

 **descartes:** wuttttt

 

 **unknown:** kid keep talking to this guy i might have to throw up

 

 **unknown:** u just threw up urself

 

 **unknown:** stay here 

 

 **unknown:** my hyung will come get u

 

 **descartes:** oKKKKKiaew 

 

 **unknown:** bro do u know that if u drink milk after u ate chillis it helps more than water

 

 **descartes:** bruhhh thats so rad

 

 **unknown:** u just make me threw up a bit

 

 **descartes:** bruh sozzzz man

 

 **unknown:** nah its bc u funny boi

 

 **unknown:** if i know who u r i'd ask u to hang ur funny asf man

 

 **descartes:** same bruvvvv

 

**[12.48 am]**

**unknown** : ehy

 

 **descartes:** urghhhhh

 

 **descartes:** who r u 

 

 **unknown:** did i ge the wrong number

 

 **unknown:** u the kid i got the number from alst nite

 

 **descartes:** probs

 

 **descartes:** theres only one unknown chat on my phone

 

 **unknown:** okay thats fine no one handed out my number too many times

 

 **descartes:** too many words

 

 **descartes:** ill do smthing abt dis later lemme sleep

 

**[7.08 am]**

**descartes:** WAIT SHIT DID I DRUNK TEXT SMONE ONE

 

 **unknown:** ur rlly energetic at 7 fkuing am

 

 **descartes:** who r u

 

 **unknown:** person who u drunk texted last nite

 

 **descartes:** but who r u 

  

 **descartes:** how did u even get my number

 

 **unknown:** my friends

 

 **unknown:** they go around handing my numbers to drunk college students every friday night at cheap shitty bars

 

 **descartes:**  oh shit thats probs how i got ur number

 

 **descartes:** i felt that in my dead black soul 

 

 **descartes:** mine writes my number on toilet cubicles

 

 **descartes:** but he doesnt do it in one place he told me he wrote it on every mens toilet he goes into

 

 **descartes:** i got liek 5 unknowns last week trynna bribe me into things from getting a sugar daddy to testing out a contraceptive pill using crocodile shit

 

 **unknown:** i think i snorted rice up my nose 

 

 **unknown:** sorry i shouldnt laugh but

 

 **unknown:** the fuck kinda life u live in kid

 

 **descartes:** leave me alone

 

 **unknown:** so who r u

 

 **descartes:** philosophy

 

 **descartes:**  brunette. wear specs

 

 **unknown:** u have told me literally nothing abt u

 

 **unknown:** oh shit what if ur a prof

 

 **unknown:** imma bail been nice

 

 **descartes:** WAIT ILL SEND A PIC

 

 **unknown:** NO DONT SEND A PIC U ROTTEN BARNACLE

 

 **descartes:** DONT U WANT PROOF OF MY IDENTITTY

 

 **unknown:** I THINK IM GOUD

 

 **descartes:** I SWEAR IM A STUDENT

 

 **unknown:** I BELIEVE U CHILL

 

 **descartes:** pls random person

 

 **unknown:** leave me alone u soggy chip

 

 **descartes:** ill give u a name so it doesnt seem dodgy

 

 **unknown:** i swear if u give me lee sungmin or some shit imma throw a chalk at u-

 

 **descartes:** lim changkyun

 

 **unknown:** ok what the actual fuck

 

 **descartes:** SEARCH ME UP I AM A STUDENT

 

 **unknown:** WAT DO U THINK IM DOING U LUMP OF UNUSED LEAD

 

 **unknown:** HOW COME UR SO PRETTY WTF

 

 **descartes:** wait so whats ur name

 

 **unknown:** imma let u guess

 

 **descartes:** WUT WHY I TOLD U MINE

 

 **unknown:** NO ONE ASKED U TO

 

 **descartes:** I WONT EVEN LOOK U UP I JSUT WANT A NAME

 

 **unknown:** y the fuck u want to drag on this convo

 

 **descartes:** i need new friends

 

 **descartes:** my hyungs think im a loner with no friends

 

 **unknown:** well u acting liek it

 

 **descartes:** COME ONNNN

 

 **unknown:** children

 

 **unknown:** how annoying u all r

 

 **unknown:** i could just throttle u

 

 **unknown:** yoo kihyun

 

 **descartes:** oh

 

 **descartes:** thats so nice and pretty

 

 **descartes** changes unknown number to **grumpy** **angel**

 

 **descartes:** okay thanks hyung ill go now

 

 **grumpyangel:** yeah yeah whatever

 

**{Private chat: the true eomma}**

**salt:** HYUNG OMG

 

 **mum:** yoo kihyun i have yet to chew you out for what happened last night

 

 **salt:** NEVRE MIND THAT

 

 **salt:** LOOK AT DIS

**mum:** oh my

 

 **salt:** I KNOW RIGHT

 

 **salt:** SOMEONE PUT HIS NUMBER ONTO MY PHONE AND IM SO BLESSED????

 

 **salt:** LIKE HAVE U SEEN SUCH BEAUTY

 

 **mum:** amazing

 

 **mum:** that's great kihyunnie

 

 **salt:** AND HE SAID HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS

 

**{Private chat: seokkie hyung}**

**hyuk:** YOU GAVE CHANGKYUNNIE'S NUMBER TO KIHYUNNIE??

 

 **seok:** no 

 

 **seok:** but i did tell jooheon to put it in in case of emergency

 

 **seok:** wait why

 

 **hyuk:** {Screenshot}

 

 **seok:** LMAOOOO YES 

 

 **seok:** DON'T SAY ANYTHING 

 

 **hyuk:** IF SOMETHING WEIRD HAPPENS KIHYUN WILL FIGHT YOU

 

 **seok:** I'LL TAKE  THE HAMSTER'S WRATH ANY DAY THIS IS SO GOOD

 

 **hyuk:** how do i know you

 

 **seok:** hey they're talking by themselves

 

 **seok:** the only thing i did was put them in the same space

 

 **hyuk:** you speak so well for someone failing so miserably at trying to talk casually to his love interest

 

 **seok:** you don't need to rub it in minhyuk-ah

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been wanting to have a Changki moment for so long and now it's a reality. Mutual pining makes me soft and emo. 
> 
> Please keep supporting me, you guys are amazing, I love you all, feed me comments.


	8. Please don't type like that it's destroying my faith in humanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A patchy explanation of what went south last night. Jooheon is only an innocent child. Hoseok and Kihyun are monstrosities when they're drunk. Hyungwon throws shade left right and centre and thinks there's a thing between Kihyun and Hoseok. Minhyuk only wants to keep this family together. Hyunwoo is exerting his authority but also lowkey roasting his children. Changkyun is precious but also so whipped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An explanation of what happened last chapter. I'm so blessed to see so many kudos and hits and comments you wonderful readers you make me so happy!!!!!! Please comment to tell me what you think of it - I'm too afraid to update when there are no comments because I can't tell if you like the chapter or not. Please keep loving my work, thank you so much for your support!!!
> 
> Usernames:  
> Changkyun: channi, imdying  
> Hoseok: seokkie, hoeseok  
> Minhyuk: wifey,   
> Hyunwoo: dadno  
> Kihyun: hamsterson  
> Hyungwon: h.one  
> Jooheon: honeybooboo

**{Group chat: wholesome fam}**

 

**wifey:** Before I proceed to chew you out

 

**hamsterson:** oh god hes typing properly _a b o r t_

 

**wifey** adds **iamchangkyun** to the chat **wholesome fam**

**iamchangkyun** changes their name to **imdying**

 

**honeybooboo:** who dis

 

**hamsterson:** one of his kids probs

 

**h.one:** ur probs not wrong

 

**dadno:** Please don't type like that it's destroying my faith in humanity

 

**wifey:** what faith

 

**dadno:** What's left of it anyways

 

**seokkie:** EYYY MA CHILD MA BLOOD MA OWN

 

**dadno:** I didn't ask to take in more children to this dysfunctional family

 

**honeybooboo:** appa

 

**dadno:** Yes dear

 

**hamsterson:** u just called us ur fam

 

**h.one:** im oddly touched

 

**imdying:** y r we all roasting one guy

 

**h.one:**  bc  we can

 

**h.one:** who r u dear clueless child

 

**imdying:** i am who i am

 

**honeybooboo:** _oh_  

 

**honeybooboo:** BROOOOOOO

 

**honeybooboo:** CHANGKYUNNIE EYYYY WAT UP MY HOMIEEEEE

 

**imdying:** jooheon?

 

**imdying:** hyung that u?

 

**honeybooboo:** EYYY FAM YISSSS

 

**honeybooboo:** cannot believe how small this earth is

 

**h.one:** oh the one who helped u back from hongdae?

 

**h.one:** the cute one?

 

**imdying:** yes thats me im always cute

 

**honeybooboo:** yas babe

 

**hamsterson:** no

 

**wifey:** please don't

 

**seokkie:** i'm still stuck on ma homieeee

 

**dadno:** I thought it was bad that I had to care for a child, an angry preteen and an adolescent going through his emo goth phase

 

**dadno:** On top of a high maintenance spouse

 

**dadno:** But I have also accepted responsibility for a puppy and a Peter Pan syndrome man

 

**seokkie:** damn hyung you spit fire

 

**imdying:** y do u type lieke this hyung

 

**imdying:** u bring shame on minhyuk hyung and i

 

**h.** **one:** its a general consensus that hoseok is an embarrassment to all those know him

 

**seokkie:** you can't hear it but my heart is breaking

 

**h.one:** we cant afford a mechanic one yet guess we gotta let u down hoseok-ssi

 

**h.one:** been a wild ride

 

**honeybooboo:**  

 

**imdying:** idk who u r yet but ur officially my second fav

 

**h.one:** not first?

 

**imdying:** minhyuk hyung claimed that spot

 

**wifey:** aww dear 

 

**dadno:** Before we start a chain of banter

 

**dadno:** I'd like to know exactly what went wrong yesterday 

 

**dadno:** I know it wasn't entirely your fault

 

**dadno:** So if you own up now there won't be too many disappointed looks from Minhyukkie and I

 

**hamsterson:** i felt that disappointment in my soul

 

**h.one:** u dont have one

 

**hamsterson:**  listen up here u decarbonated bottle of coke

 

**honeybooboo:** god they taste disgusting

 

**hamsterson:** just liek what u r within

 

**h.one:** i concede defeat

 

**hamsterson:** bow down serf

 

**hamsterson:** i apologised for drunk dancing i shouldnt have listen to the goading from the crowd i knew better

 

**hamsterson:** i still did it anyways and im sorry that i couldnt care for the younger ones while im on the pole

 

**imdying:** ur shameless

 

**hamsterson:** no regrets tho

 

**wifey:** i figured not

 

**wifey:** but what went wrong after i went to the toilet?

 

**honeybooboo:** oh hyungwonnie got shoved off his dj booth

 

**honeybooboo:** kihyun hyung and hoseok hyung wanted to fite the guy

 

**honeybooboo:** so they started rolling up their jackets and walking to him

 

**honeybooboo:** but wonnie hyung said he was fine and it doesnt matter

 

**honeybooboo:** so we went to the bar and got some dirnks

 

**h.one:** the thing was

 

**h.one:** the prick was so petty and grudgy 

 

**seokkie:** that is not a word

 

**seokkie:** it shouldn't exist

 

h.one: that he went behind jooheonie's back

 

**honeybooboo:** lmao shut out

 

**hamsterson:** literally

 

**hamsterson:** liek slither hiss hiss motherfuckers im here to drop shit in ur drinks

 

**imdying:** he spiked ur drinks?

 

**imdying:** but only mine was liek spiked tho

 

**wifey:** w h a t 

 

**dadno:** Breathe Minhyukkie

 

**dadno:** Close your eyes

 

**seokkie:** goals

 

**hamsterson:** nah i saw so i was like lets accidentally knock over the drink

 

**hamsterson:** wasnt hard i was kinda high 

 

**hamsterson:** so we got rid of that one but we didnt think he spiked all of our drinks

 

**seokkie:** so when kihyunnie and i drank ours we weren't poisoned or near pass out

 

**seokkie:** the guy just slipped some concentrated alcohol shit in there that made us tipsier than normal

 

**seokkie:** after that it was kind of a blur

 

**dadno:** I came back to Kihyun and Hoseok dirty dancing to an 80's dance song

 

**dadno:** I meant the literal kind

 

**honeybooboo:** my eyes were tainted

 

**wifey:** _my eyes_ were tainted

 

**h.one:** did i leave to throw up

 

**honeybooboo:** ye u did

 

**imdying:** oh u bumped into me rite?

 

**imdying:** tall, kermit lips dj man?

 

**h.one:** its oddly flattering but also very insulting at the same time

 

**imdying:** i drank a spiked drink it was loud all my brain was thinking was

 

**imdying:** he looks like kermit the frog

 

**wifey:** i guess then i tried to locate wonnie and kyunnie

 

**dadno:** And I was pulling Jooheon into a taxi

 

**hamsterson:** then we went to the poles

 

**seokkie:** just an objective praise

 

**seokkie:** but damn

 

**seokkie:** those body rolls 

 

**seokkie:** perfection

 

**hamsterson:** thanks fam

 

**hamsterson:** u literally r ripped everywhere y u complimenting me fool

 

**hamsterson:** it was a treat for sore eyes who is channing tatum i only know shin hoseok

 

**honeybooboo:** i cant do this anymore

 

**honeybooboo:** make it stoppppp

 

**imdying:** im gonna pretend none of dis exist and shield my innocence away from this sinning

 

**dadno:** Censor yourself

 

**wifey:** you scandalous children

 

**hamsterson:** u ppl r no fun

 

**seokkie:** anyways so then i sobered up and some kid was trying to pull my shirt off 

 

**seokkie:** not appreciated it's staying because i want it to

 

**seokkie:** so i hopped down, tried to pull kihyunnie off the goddamn pole and called hyunwoo hyung 

 

**h.one:** i was on the other side holding onto changkyun-ssi bc he was frothing and shit

 

**honeybooboo:** then u called me

 

**h.one:** bc i panicked

 

**h.one:** u know im no good in emergencies

 

**wifey:** i came to get you both and we got into a cab together 

 

**honeybooboo:** funny thing was i thot kihyun hyung was still in the club

 

**honeybooboo:** so i left his number with changkyunnie

 

**honeybooboo:** but scouts honour i got the shit outta his throat and stayed until hes conscious for hyunwoo hyung to haul him back

 

**wifey:** bless you dear

 

**seokkie:** kihyun was in the car with me?

 

**hamsterson:** y r u all talking abt me

 

**dadno:**  You have a very different personality when drunk

 

**hamsterson:**  can u stop

 

**dadno:**  Karma is a balancing scale

 

**h.one:** im sorry guys that things turn out this way

 

**imdying:** its okay

 

**hamsterson:** shit fam i probs drunk texted u so much 

 

**imdying:** the drunk texts kept me conscious

 

**honeybooboo:** u told me that if u werent staying conscious it might have been worse

 

**imdying:** ye so

 

**imdying:** thanks kihyun-ssi

 

**h.one:** oh hes adorable

 

**hamsterson:** hyung is fine

 

**imdying:** okay hyung

 

**wifey:** did someone scream

 

**hamsterson:** YEp soZ stuBBeD mY tOES

 

**seokkie:**  ( ͡͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °)

 

**seokkie:** so nice to see you squirm

 

**hamsterson:** fuck off u genetically modified eggplant

 

**honeybooboo:** OKAY CAN U TAKE UR SEXTING AWAY FROM THIS PG RATED AREA THNKS VERY MUCH

 

**hamsterson:** wut

 

**seokkie:** we ain't sexting....?

 

**dadno:** I'm kind of concerned that some of us interpreted it as something sexual while the literal meaning is just them two bantering

 

**wifey:** i need to do a better job of raising my children better

 

**{Private chat: lil angel}**

**channi:** hey hyung

 

**hoeseok:** yo

 

**channi:** wat does kihyun hyung look like

 

**hoeseok:** you can't look him up on facebook...?

 

**channi:** i made a promise not to with him

 

**hoeseok:** oh god

 

**hoeseok:** please excuse me

 

**hoeseok:** i might possibly die from the cavity overload 

 

**hoeseok:** dear changkyunnie

 

**hoeseok:** _you're so sweet_

 

**channi:** thanks hyung

 

**hoeseok:** but are you sure you want to put a name to a face

 

**hoeseok:** that kid throws shade at the speed of light

 

**hoeseok:** but he looks like a marshmallow

 

**channi:** i think ill be fine

 

**hoeseok:** a deal for a deal

 

**channi:** wats ur price

 

**hoeseok:** what's his name in your contact

 

**channi:....**

 

**channi:** none of this gets out

 

**channi:** or i will expose u

 

**hoeseok:** it can't be that bad

 

**channi:** grumpyangel

 

**hoeseok:** AUFDYGWKL:WKJHBGVHBJKL:PQOIE@

 

**hoeseok:** sorry just had a mini coronary no biggie

 

**hoeseok:**  

**channi:** well?

 

**hoeseok:** be ready kid

 

**hoeseok:**

**channi:** i think im having a coronary as well

 

**hoeseok:**   ~~WHIPPED MOTHERFUCKER~~

 

**hoeseok:** i mean

 

**hoeseok:** understandable

 

**hoeseok:** i have more photos i just don't want to hurt you

 

**channi:** yeah i think im done hurting myself for the yr

 

**channi:** ill just go anf like cry now

 

**hoeseok:** what wait no changkyu-

 

**hoeseok:**  WHY ARE YOU CRYING ANSWER ME

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mutual pining is what I want to inflict on people. Also while searching for Kihyun's photos I had to adjust the brightness so many times because he's glowing from beyond the screen and my eyes can't handle that angelic glow.


	9. Extra: This is breaking more relationships than making them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An extra scene. Because we all need screaming man children over UNO. Also platonic! Kiho. Salty fam bickering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let it be known that UNO can make or break friendships. This is just pure sugar overload me after lunch thinking I should have a screaming group chat.

**{Group chat: wholesome fam}**

**turtle:** i cannot believe we're playing this childish game

 

 **wifey:** as someone who raised you i am disappointed you're lying to yourself like this

 

 **turtle:** dont put words in my mouth

 

 **hamsterson:** the old man is taking his time im making tea

 

 **dadno:** That is the nicest and most respectful you've been to me thus far

 

 **dadno:** Should I expect some nasty surprises in the foreseeable future?

 

 **seokkie:** so salty, all of you

 

 **squint:** UNOOOOOO

 

 **turtle:** y do i associate with morons

 

 **hamsterson:** i think ur looking for the term

 

 **hamsterson:** unused bottle caps

 

 **seokkie:** babe how do you come up with these insults

 

 **hamsterson:** y swear when u can hurt them with words

 

 **turtle:** use ur fists

 

 **squint:** hyung ur kicks could probably put a man in hospital for 3 months 

 

 **seokkie:** but this brilliant man here hurt with words instead

 

 **seokkie:** legendary

 

 **hamsterson:** thanks bby

 

 **seokkie:** (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

 

 **squint:** pls stop

 

 **dadno:** No fighting over the cards

 

 **wifey:** i'm dealing

 

 **seokkie:** i love a family

 

 **squint:** this is the perfect ending ive been dreaming abt

 

 **hamsterson:** i was gonna be a hard coconut but i'll be sweet coconut water

 

 **turtle:** srsly hyung where is ur filter

 

 **hamsterson:** took a long term leave

 

 **hamsterson:** in the maldives chilling with the sun

 

 **dadno:** I appreciate your efforts to hold it in

 

 **hamsterson:** wasnt searching for validation from u but cheers dad

 

 **wifey:** how caring of you kihyunnie  (❁´◡`❁)

 

 **hamsterson:** im sorry i cant hear yall im in heaven my mother is praising me im gone

 

 **seokkie:** i was going to comment on the suggestiveness of that but you're all infants so maybe not

 

 **turtle:** it was bad enuff that we have kihyun hyung

 

 **turtle:** now theres another one

 

 **seokkie:** excuse you don't associate me with that loser

 

 **hamsterson:** says the guy who sent me a snap asking if crocodiles were fish

 

 **squint:** um

 

 **squint:** u okay there hyung

 

 **turtle:** would u prefer a facepalm or just a plain judgemental look

 

 **turtle:** i can do both

 

 **seokkie:** watch your back yoo-nim

 

 **hamsterson:** id sleep with one eye open if i were u shin-ssi

 

 **squint:** lets stop

 

 **squint:** spread love not hate

 

 **turtle:** what does the winner get

 

 **wifey:** anything that's within reason

 

 **dadno:** No robbing banks, nakedness, murders, smuggling, weapons, phone calls, food wars, running through the campus

 

 **hamsterson:** ah ok

 

 **wifey:** no impersonating your friends to text/sext someone

 

 **dadno:** No social media or texting. Period

 

 **seokkie:** oh _boooo_

 

 **squint:** lmao hyung how many friends do u think we all have

 

 **turtle:** a lot actually

 

 **seokkie:** are you sure hyungwonnie?

 

 **turtle:** listen here u dumbass 

 

 **squint:** it doesn't have the same effect when kihyun hyung does it

 

 **seokkie:** shalalalalalalalalala let's play i want to win

 

 **squint:** we all know how the cards work rite?

 

 **dadno:** Hopefully

 

 **wifey:** your faith is astonishing

 

 **dadno:** At this point I am very tired

 

 **wifey:** there there

 

 **seokkie:** please stop making us singles feel sad

 

 **turtle:** i think thats just u

 

 **seokkie:** leave me be

 

 **squint:** YA KIHYUN

 

 **hamsterson:** U PUT IT DOWN BEFORE ME

 

 **seokkie:** did he i didn't-

 

 **seokkie:** HYUNWOO HYUNG I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME???

 

 **seokkie:** PICK UP FOUR MORE DAMN CARDS WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME

 

 **seokkie:** LOOK AT THIS DECK

 

 **seokkie:** _LOOK AT IT_

**turtle:** its been 5 mins

 

 **squint:** TAKE THAT DAMN THING BACK U TAIOTR

 

 **turtle:** sighs

 

 **dadno:** I only pledge loyalty to Minhyuk

 

 **wifey:** i claim no such ties

 

 **dadno:** Why...-

 

 **dadno:** You're lucky I don't hold grudges

 

 **wifey:** how chivalrous of you

 

 **hamsterson:** the hubby just felt the sting of betrayal

 

 **seokkie:** 4 more cards to the deck feel that bitterness hyung

 

 **wifey:** also uno

 

 **hamsterson:** how the-

 

 **hamsterson:** U WAITE DTI PULL A WILD ON ME U PLAIN BAGEL

 

 **turtle:** im sorry but not rlly

 

 **turtle:** whats the phrase

 

 **dadno:** Karma is a bitch?

 

 **wifey:** bow down bitch?

 

 **turtle:** suffer

 

 **turtle:** bitch

 

 **squint:** he looks liek he wants to snap ur leg in half

 

 **seokkie:** HA UNO

 

 **squint:** WIAT HOW

 

 **squint:** U SNake

 

 **seokkie:** HISS HISS MOTHERFUCKERS

 

 **dadno:** This is breaking more relationships than making them

 

 **wifey:** i hope your unlucky streaks won't affect your ranking

 

 **dadno:** I hope you know I'm recording all of this and filing it for the divorce

 

 **squint:** BITCH U THOT I DONT HAVE A SPECIAL CARD

 

 **squint:** HOE U IS WRONG

 

 **hamsterson:** I HAVE NO YELLOW

 

 **hamsterson:** WHERE THE FCK IS YELLO

 

 **turtle:** uno

 

 **wifey:** i think i picked up four more

 

 **wifey:** how unfortunate

 

 **turtle:** how calm

 

 **wifey:** i'm secretly plotting

 

 **seokkie:** YAH SON HYUNWOO I SAW THAT TRICK CARD YOU'RE HIDING YOU PUNK

 

 **dadno:** How regretful

 

 **dadno:** It is my turn

 

 **dadno:** Who should I obliterate

 

 **seokkie:** WAIT NOO NOO NOO NOO _NOOOOO_

 

 **hamsterson:** TAKE HIM NOT ME

 

 **squint:** WUT WUT WUT

 

 **turtle:** oh

 

 **turtle:** i won

 

 **seokkie:** ADGWJKJIOUYHUOPQL:S <M NXCBVFWGHJKLD

 

 **squint:** HOW FTHE DUCK

 

 **hamsterson:** HYUNWOO U ABSOLUTE CRETIN U MENACE TO HUMANITY U DIRTY POTATO

 

 **wifey:** am i surprised

 

 **wifey:** no

 

 **dadno:** Ahh how a reverse can change everything

 

 **wifey:** good job hyungwonnie

 

 **wifey:** what is your wish?

 

 **turtle:** can i use it later

 

 **dadno:** It's your favour you can do what you want

 

 **turtle:** okay

 

 **turtle:** i'd like to say smthing

 

 **squint:** WAT IS THER TO SAY ANYMROE 

 

 **turtle:** suffer bitches

 

 **hamsterson:** NO ELT ME GOOO IMMA SNAP HIM LIKE A CHOSTICK

 

 **hamsterson:** keep an eye on urself buddy

 

 **hamsterson:** imma come at u freddy kruger style

 

 **seokkie:** you're actually terrifying kihyunnie

 

 **hamsterson:** fear me 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have addressed Kihyun's insult bank™. Not for actual plot I'm just mucking around. Have pity on me and grant me comments. Maybe kudos.


	10. the brochure said psychology us students call it the death's draught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon and Changkyun bond over weird reading materials. Hyunwoo is a good dad. Minhyuk is so innocent protect him please. Jooheon is the designated teddy bear and child that everyone wants to coddled. Kihyun throws shade and insults. Hoseok apparently imitates a giraffe when getting smashed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't finished school yet I don't know how uni works. And thank you again for the nice comments and continuous support you've all given me. Please keep hyping this fic up I'm so excited seeing all your nice comments! If there is any extra scene that you especially want I'm more than happy to write them (coughs, compiling Kihyun's weird insults into a guide, coughs). Overall, enjoy a bit more of the promised Changki and I will update the next chapter soon enough!
> 
> Changkyun: channi, kyunching  
> Hoseok: seokkie  
> Minhyuk: wifey  
> Hyunwoo: dadno  
> Kihyun: hamsterson  
> Hyungwon: h.one, woncash  
> Jooheon: honeybooboo

**{Group chat: wholesome fam}**

**[3.27 pm]**

**imdying** changes their name to  **channi**

 

 **channi:** anyone know how to read greek

 

 **seokkie:** um what

 

 **channi:** it was a legitimate question i borrowed a book for my thesis and its all in greek

 

 **honeybooboo:** u cant liek google translate it?

 

 **channi:**  its ancient greek

 

 **channi:** google aint that advnced uet

 

 **dadno:** I think the library might have some translations

 

 **dadno:** I can ask if you need to

 

 **wifey:** kihyunnie is in the library now

 

 **h.one:** kihyun goes to the library?

 

 **hamsterson:** just bc i aint asnwering doesnt mean i cant see the sht ur spouting here u abnormal banana stalk

 

 **h.one:** okay srsly u need to stop with the insults

 

 **hamsterson:** sorry i dont speak tall plants

 

 **h.one:** changkyunnie we can have a look at it together

 

 **channi:** r u sure hyung i can jsut look at the translations

 

 **channi:** there isnt any

 

 **h.one:** they do

 

 **h.one:** there are 10 kids who do ancient greek here

 

 **h.one:** and 7 of them r graduating

 

 **h.one:** ofc they have translations of materials somewhere

 

 **honeybooboo:** u sound liek u went thru this a lot

 

 **h.one:** freud wrote rlly weird austrian german gallician whatever

 

 **hamsterson:** the fck r u two studying

 

 **h.one:** the brochure said psychology us students call it the death's draught

 

 **channi:** i feel ur pain hyung

 

 **h.one:** and so i may or may not have access to the back of the library for the translations

 

 **h.one:** bc librarians r cruel and they hate psych kids

 

 **channi:** i do philosophy

 

 **channi:** i basically camp in the library

 

 **honeybooboo:** um

 

 **honeybooboo:** bro u never told me ur second major

 

 **hamsterson:** thats rlly unexpected

 

 **channi:**  i also music production

 

 **h.one:** we can go together and ask 

 

 **h.one:** wilson's stare might hurt u a lot

 

 **h.one:** if we sweet talk her enuff i think i know where the philo sections r in the back

 

 **h.one:** if not we can snitch the key

 

 **h.one:** who u quoting

 

 **channi:** diagoras

 

 **hamsterson:** are we all going to pretend we know who that is

 

 **channi:** dont bother

 

 **channi:** i was bored and thought it was a good idea

 

 **dadno:** Why you choose to pursue this line of academia baffles me

 

 **channi:** its too late now i sold my soul to plato

 

 **seokkie:** he's not annoying about it or anything

 

 **seokkie:** sometimes when he's drunk he goes on a tandem about truth 

 

 **seokkie:** it fucks with your head just as a general warning

 

 **seokkie:** other times he's chill

 

 **wifey:** he does have the habit of spacing out though

 

 **wifey:** if you catch him glaring at you don't be alarmed he found out a counterargument for aeschylus 

 

 **hamsterson:** uh well i wish u lcuk in ur pursuit of knowledge

 

 **h.one:** u fake ass hoe

 

 **hamsterson:** u wanna fucking fite me in the pit u dented pot

 

 **channi:** im sorry i think i knocked my head on the railing from laughing too much

 

 **honeybooboo:** u just get used to it

 

 **hamsterson:** fucking come at me u shrivelled caterpillar

 

 **seokkie:** how does that even work?

 

 **hamsterson:** babe

 

 **seokkie:** yas

 

 **hamsterson:** shut up u crushed helmet

 

 **seokkie:** okay chill kid

 

 **h.one:** changkyunnie is loving this

 

**h.one:**

**h.one:** i think hes dying

 

 **channi:** BUT THEYRE FUNNY

 

 **h.one:** i know they r dear

 

 **h.one:** but u need to stop

 

 **h.one:** ur going to split ur head open if u keep doing the mating dance of an emu

 

 **honeybooboo:** howd u know what that is

 

 **h.one:** david attenborough

 

 **h.one:** also i did avian behaviour for liek a month

 

 **seokkie:** that is the best thing i've heard all day

 

 **hamsterson:** bye yall i gotta go pursue a career in comedy

 

 **seokkie:** because your life is a joke?

 

**honeybooboo:**

 

 **hamsterson:** watch ur fucking back shin hoseok im cutting u into small ppieces and grinding ur bones to bits

 

 **dadno:** No killing please

 

 **channi:** HYUNG LOOK WE SHOULD TAKE A SELFIE

 

 **h.one:** i need u to stand-

 

**channi:**

**h.one:** jesus christ

 

**channi:**

 

 **h.one:** we;re heere put that damn phone down

 

 **hamsterson:** let him live hyungwon-ah

 

 **h.one:** shut up u pimp

 

 **hamsterson:** no thats minhyuk hyung

 

 **wifey:** i

 

 **wifey:** what?

 

 **wifey:** what is that

 

 **dadno:** You don't need to know

 

 **dadno:** I'm watching you Yoo Kihyun

 

 **honeybooboo:** i googled it and dropped my phone bc my mum called

 

 **honeybooboo:** it clciked on urban dictionary

 

 **seokkie:** NOPE

 

 **seokkie:** LOCK THAT PHONE DOWN

 

 **wifey:** I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WORD MEANS

 

 **hamsterson:** HYUNG UR SO OLD HOW COME U DONT KNOW U FLAT CAR TIRE

 

 **wifey:** LEAVE ME BE

 

 **dadno:** I need a holiday

 

**[7.56 pm]**

**channi:** so we found a translation

 

 **channi:** and i might crash over at ur dorm if u'll have me

 

 **honeybooboo:** iF wE hAVE u

 

 **seokkie:** don't be stupidly polite of course we'll house you

 

 **seokkie:** kihyunnie can sleep out on the pavement

 

 **seokkie:**  he's born from the darkness of people's hearts i'm sure he can manage  (✿◠‿◠)

 

 **hamsterson:** or u can take over hoseok's apartment and lock him out  (✿◠‿◠)

 

 **dadno:** He can sleep in my room

 

 **dadno:** I'll take the couch

 

 **wifey:** i think i shed a lone tear at this paternal care

 

 **honeybooboo:** such a dad

 

 **h.one:** whataman

 

 **channi:** we can share?

 

 **channi:** idm

 

 **hamsterson:** we have 4 rooms

 

 **hamsterson:** 7 ppl

 

 **hamsterson:**  either two ppl share to accommodate changkyun or someone pop over to hoseok's

 

 **channi:** i can go 

 

 **channi:** havent seen hyung all week

 

 **channi:** his roommate kept coming to our dorm and asking where hyung was

 

 **seokkie:** didn't i send you that advice to knock his face in?

 

 **wifey:** you sent me the same text but with a video of you intoxicated and imitating a giraffe

 

 **honeybooboo:** i think i died a lil inside

 

 **hamsterson:** hes even worse as we get to know him

 

 **channi:** so no ive been not answering the door for abt 6 days

 

 **hamsterson:** u sure u dont want to share with any of us?

 

 **hamsterson:** its fine

 

 **honeybooboo:** yeah!

 

 **channi:** uh im all g

 

 **channi:** thanks guys

 

**{Private chat: won hyung}**

**woncash:** kid

 

 **woncash:** did u just keel over at seeing kihyun's rolling his sleeves up for dinner?

 

 **kyunching:** no

 

 **kyunching:** a bit

 

 **woncash:** i'll let u indulge in ur fantasies

 

 **woncash:** okie so y dont u want to share?

 

 **kyunching:** i just cant sleep knowing kihyun hyung is in the same space

 

 **woncash:** bc u hate him?

 

 **kyunching:** have u seen his face and his hair and heard him sing yet

 

 **woncash:** u forget i've known him since forever

 

 **woncash:** but its kihyunnie

 

 **woncash:** hes such a shady bitch and he throws weird insults around

 

 **woncash:** hes such an awkward human

 

 **kyunching:** hyung no

 

 **kyunching:** ur eyes r still adjusting to the brightness of the angelic force that is yoo kihyun

 

 **woncash:** ur so fking whipped

 

 **kyunching:** so so much

 

 **kyunching:**  ...y did u just kick hoseok hyung

 

 **woncash:** hes annoying

 

 **kyunching:** and?

 

 **woncash:** kept trynna hit on me

 

 **kyunching:** okay and?

 

 **woncash:** i dont swing that way

 

 **kyunching:** r u sure

 

 **woncash:** yes

 

 **woncash:** wait no

 

 **woncash:** as in like i dont swing any way 

 

 **kyunching:** makes more sense

 

 **kyunching:** but u can't be civil with him?

 

 **woncash:** hes liek a cockroach and its fun stepping on him

 

 **kyunching:** must be nice being pretty and getting away with everything

 

 **woncash:** dont be rude

 

 **kyunching:** h i d e  m e  h e s  c o m i n g  o h  g o d  i t s  s o   b r i g h t

 

 **woncash:** lmao u whipped bastard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was planning to make Hyungwon in denial but so glad I saved it last minute. Whipped Changkyun is my life.


	11. y swear when u can hurt them with words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> turtle: y do i associate with morons
> 
> hamsterson: i think ur looking for the term
> 
> hamsterson: unused bottle caps
> 
> seokkie: how do you come up with these insults
> 
> hamsterson: y swear when u can hurt them with words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of Kihyun's insults for everyday use. PG rated. Completely safe when you want to swear at anyone.   
> (Will maybe be updated with every new chapter. )

Kihyun's extended list of creative insults/curse words:

 

  * squinty bag of useless matchsticks
  * ungrateful chestnuts
  * bunch of rotten squished bananas
  * blind asf log
  * LIL UNDERDEVELIPED POTATTO (in more eloquent English, lil underdeveloped potato)
  * pancake ass cheeks
  * little garden spade
  * stumped mushroom
  * FRAZZLED BROOM
  * u gave me flashbacks of milk left outside for a day
  * blunt piece of broken crayon
  * bloated chicken
  * that man child was a man whore
  * empty tub of ice cream 
  * ROTTEN BARNACLE
  * if u give me lee sungmin or some shit imma throw a chalk at u-
  * LUMP OF UNUSED LEAD
  * i felt that disappointment in my soul
  * decarbonated bottle of coke
  *  bow down serf
  *  genetically modified eggplant
  * unused bottle caps
  * PLAIN BAGEL
  * U ABSOLUTE CRETIN U MENACE TO HUMANITY U DIRTY POTATO
  * NO ELT ME GOOO IMMA SNAP HIM LIKE A CHOSTICK
  * abnormal banana stalk
  * sorry i dont speak tall plants
  * dented pot
  * shrivelled caterpillar
  * crushed helmet
  * FLAT CAR TIRE



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's not actual plot but I've been thinking about it and I had to create an insult bank otherwise I'd be debating over it for days.


	12. they have raisins and thats an abomination to food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoseok sleep talks and it's mildly terrifying. The domestic couple experience a brief moment of panic as their youngest disappeared in the night. Hyungwon starts drama, knows 103% of what goes on but takes no part in it. Jooheon has a book thrown at him for peeping and roasted. Kihyun is in denial and covers up his caring side by aggressive assholery. Changkyun is scared and clingy and must be protected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You wonderful readers got me to 200+ kudos and 2k hits and um, how? You are so so so so so wonderful and beautiful people and I thank each and every one of you who left comments or kudos or read. I promised Changki and I have delivered. Please be patient as Hyungwon comes around to notice that Hoseok is worthy of his time.
> 
> Username:  
> Hyunwoo: dadno  
> Hoseok: shinhoe, seok, seokkie  
> Minhyuk: wifey, hyuk  
> Kihyun: hamsterson, yoo.ki, kiyoo, kihoe  
> Hyungwon: flagpole, h.one  
> Jooheon: honeybooboo  
> Changkyun: channi, seraphim

**{Group chat: wholesome fam}**

**[3.08 am]**

**channi:** pst

 

**h.one:** kid its 3

 

**h.one:** 3 _am_

 

**channi:** hoseok hyung is sleeptalking

 

**channi:** and its mildly terrifying

 

**hamsterson:** whats he saying

 

**channi:** japanese

 

**h.one:** how terrifying

 

**h.one:** the land of japan itself _reeks_ of terror

 

**channi:** hyung pls

 

**channi:** he just said theres some one i dun know welp im gonna die its been a gud lyfe

 

**hamsterson:** chill

 

**hamsterson:** open the door ill come over and get u

 

**channi:** im too scared to even sneak out of the bed

 

**hamsterson:** u share a bed with him??

 

**channi:** he has to hug something to bed otherwise he cant sleep

 

**hamsterson:** that takes clingy to a whole new level

 

**hamsterson:** i didnt think i need that info but now i do

 

**channi:** okay i rolled off to the edge come quick hyung

 

**channi:** HE JUST SAID LOKK OUT THE WINDOW BYe HOSEOK HYUNG

 

**hamsterson:** where ur place @

 

**h.one:** its liek watchinf a slow car crash

 

**h.one:** have fun dying 

 

**hamsterson:** y dont u help instead of instigatng shit

 

h.one: 

 

**hamsterson:** dont use memes to the rite context u flappy tent pole

 

**channi:** im gone bye

 

**hamsterson:** breathe

 

**hamsterson:** close ur eyes and breathe

 

**hamsterson:** what number and what floor

 

**channi:** 23 

 

**channi:** same floor

 

**hamsterson:** can u get to the door

 

**channi:** ye im outside of his room 

 

**channi:** behind the door now

 

**hamsterson:** open when i knock

 

**{Private chat: god's angel}**

**seraphim:** hyung

 

**kiyoo:** whats wrong u ok do u want to stay with minhyukkie what do i do

 

**seraphim:** u just naruto dashed to hoseok hyung's room, snuck me out and managed to get me in ur dorm without a sound

 

**seraphim:** i cant use ur kindness liek that i feel bad

 

**kiyoo:** listen u 4 humped camel with a broken toe

 

**seraphim:** thats not hw it-

 

**kiyoo:** ur a kid who is lost and seeking refuge from hoeseok's monstrous nightmare of an ex roommate

 

**kiyoo:** no matter how i look at it i have an obligation to care

 

**kiyoo:** now shut up unless u tell me what u need

 

**seraphim:** uh

 

**seraphim:** i can't sleep by myself as well

 

**seraphim:** i think bc hyung kept saying theres someone outside and im crying every time i turn off the light

**seraphim:** i could take the couch but

 

**kiyoo:** so giving u the bed was a bad cjoice

 

**seraphim:** no no ur being a good host pls dont force me on the couch i might die

 

**kiyoo:** i aint forcing u u weak fawn

 

**kiyoo:** shove over im coming in

 

**kiyoo:** kids nowadays

 

**kiyoo:** so clingy

 

**{Private chat: beanpole}**

**yoo.ki:** can u tell the general public that the baby is in my room and hes not letting go

 

**yoo.ki:** its ebeen a long week imma sleep in

 

**flagpole:** ok sure hyung

 

**{Private chat: seokkie hyung}**

**seok:** OH MY LORD 

 

**seok:** _FUCK_

 

**seok:** MINHYUKKIE GET THE SHIT UP

 

**hyuk:** Hyung that literally makes no sense

 

**hyuk:** If you swear try to do it properly

 

**seok:** HYUNWOO-YAH I LOST CHANGKYUNNIE

 

**hyuk:** _HOW_

 

**hyuk:** MY BABY

 

**seok:** I WOKE UP AND HE WAS GONE

 

**seok:** WHERE DID HE GO OMG G I'M SO SORRY I LL FIND HIM DATSFGHJKL:"  
  


**hyuk:** HOLD ON I'LL TEXT HIM

 

**{Group chat: wholesome fam}**

**[7.15 am]**

**wifey:** KYUNNIE-YAH WHERE ARE YOU

 

**honeybooboo:** Y IS THERE YELLING

 

**dadno:** Has anyone seen Kihyunnie?

 

**h.one:** pls stop

 

**h.one:** i got woken u-

 

**h.one:** channie is in kihyunnie's room

 

**wifey:** WHY AND HOW

 

**seokkie:** SO HE'S NOT LOST IN THE MIDDLE OF SEOUL OR SOME DANGEROUS SHIT RIGHT

 

**h.one:** y would he...

 

**h.one:** hes in kihyunnie's room just peep

 

**dadno:** From my various attempts at trying to wake him up for school I'd advise you not to

 

**honeybooboo:** HES IN THERE

 

**honeybooboo:** CRAPOLA CRAYONS

 

**wifey:** did he just

 

**wifey:** throw a book at you?

 

**dadno:** He used to throw soccer shoes

 

**seokkie:** lethal hamster

 

**h.one:** when he wakes up he'll cut u

 

**seokkie:** he's a hamster what can he do?

 

**hamsterson:** u watch ur fking back shin hoseok

 

**hamsterson:** i got screenshots that can ruin ur life m8

 

**channi:** thes ro mfch yflling

 

**wifey:** MY BABY

 

**channi:** mornin eomma

 

**hamsterson:** hes alive im alvie chill

 

**honeybooboo:** hi alvie im jooheon

 

**h.one:** oh god no

 

**hamsterson:** *alive fuck typing one handed

 

**hamsterson:** jooheon-ah

 

**hamsterson:** u know i dont fite lil girls

 

**seokkie:** wow

 

**channi:** shots fired

 

**honeybooboo:** Y ME HYUNG IM INNOCENT

 

**channi:** i think u broke him

 

 

**{Private chat: hoeseok-in-law}**

**shinhoe:** yo kihyunnie

 

**kihoe:** wut

 

**shinhoe:** you alright with changkyunnie last night?

 

**shinhoe:** when i sleep talked he gets really clingy like he's fully scared but also super clingy

 

**kihoe:**

**shinhoe:** did he hug you until morning

 

**kihoe:** hoe wat u think he did

 

**shinhoe:** there there

 

**kihoe:** i got no sleep

 

**kihoe:** coffee machine broke

 

**kihoe:** hes not letitng go of me

 

**shinhoe:** i can give you muffins?

 

**kihoe:** i need pretty boys to stop making my heart go into cardiac arrest every time they look at me not ur damn muffins

 

**kihoe:** they have raisins and thats an abomination to food

 

**shinhoe:** you can just tell him you know that right

 

**kihoe:** the fcuk u chipped mug

 

**kihoe:** life doesnt work liek that

 

**kihoe:** angels dont get along with screaming angry hamsters liek me

 

**shinhoe:** if you just tell him-

 

**kihoe:** he just offered to buy coffee and food

 

**kihoe:** like

 

**kihoe:** how is an actual angel sitting next to me and breathing the same air

 

**shinhoe:** bitch if you just say half these shits to-

 

**kihoe:** bye hoe imma make food

 

**shinhoe:** i just

 

**shinhoe:** i can't

 

**shinhoe:** i want to cry but i can't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A seraphim is a kind of angel. Just to let you know. Please throw kudos and comments and nice words at me. Living true to the mutual pining tag and the Changki tag.


	13. that was information i did not sign up to see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is talk of potentially moving everyone inside a dorm. You can if you try hard enough. There is a group chat dedicated for Changki to happen, but they're just lying in wait. Changki rises because of a (badly) well-timed PJO & HO reference. Jooheon is slowly being converted to become a shipper like Hoseok. Hyunwoo is there for party control, nothing else. Don't get him involved. Hyungwon finally realises Kiho is ever a platonic™ ship and eases up. Minhyuk is probably there to make it worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS TO ALL WHO COMMENTED, DROPPED KUDOS AND VIEWED!!!! WAHHH I'M SO HYPED HERE IS ANOTHER UPDATE PLEASE LOVE IT LOTS!!!!
> 
> Also I have fixed the whole 'it has Kiho and no Hyungwonho'. It's been like 13 chapters but we finally have Hyungwon finally realising that Kihyun and Hoseok are just bros and Kihyun is actually whipped™ for Changkyun (who wouldn't tbh). 
> 
> Change of names:  
> Kihyun: overlord (kikidelivery)  
> Hyunwoo: showno, hyunwoo (dancingintherain)  
> Minhyuk: matchsticks, beagle (minnielee)  
> Jooheon: fireworks, honeyfire, honeybooboo (heonneylee)  
> Hoseok: shipper1, sock, seokkie (wonhoseok)  
> Changkyun: kachang (iamchangkyun)  
> Hyungwon: h.one, chaebuggi, thesaneone (bitterandsour)

**{Group chat: wholesome fam}**

**hamsterson** changes their name to **overlord**

**wifey** changes their name to **beagle**

**dadno** changes their name to **showno**

 

**h.one:** have a bit more creativity y dont u

 

**showno:** I have nothing left in me to care

 

**honeybooboo:** thats so sad hyung

 

**showno:** A bit

 

**showno:** As long as I share the same roof as Kihyun, Hyungwon and Hoseok I think I will never achieve true inner peace

 

**overlord:** listen here u bloated liver of a smoker

 

**showno:** As demonstrated from above

 

**channi** changes their name to **kachang**

**honeybooboo** changes their name to **honeyfire**

 

**beagle:** i'm so glad we've assembled 

 

**beagle:** so your father and i were discussing about the potential of getting a bigger dorm 

 

**beagle:** so that the 7 of us can live in the same space

 

**kachang:** sign me up

 

**overlord:** how u gonna do that

 

**overlord:** we're technically at the max capacity

 

**h.one** changes their name to **chaebuggi**

 

**chaebuggi:** we can just share rooms

 

**chaebuggi:** any dorm have the potential of holding 4 ppl if they try hard enuff

 

**kachang:** i find it concerning that u know that information

 

**seokkie** changes their name to **sock**

 

**sock:** more concerned that you have the smuggling streak in you

 

**chaebuggi:** we all have thought of illegal human hoarding when we have friends who crash over

 

**showno:** To be completely frank with you

 

**showno:** What friend are you talking about

 

**chaebuggi:** i

 

**honeyfire:** HE PROTEC

 

**honeyfire:** BUT HE ALSO ATTAC

 

**overlord:** u have made a full grown child nearly cry gj dad

 

**beagle:** no bullying each other

 

**beagle:** it makes me upset

 

**kachang:** that was scary

 

**kachang:** it was so quiet

 

**kachang:** i felt like i was in that world's quietst room 

 

**honeyfire:** eomma-nim

 

**honeyfire:** the king of doing that™

 

**beagle:** children

 

**beagle:** now now

 

**honeyfire:** im being acknowledged

 

**kachang:** someone hold me

 

**sock:** oh i know someone who would be willing ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**overlord:** u wanna go u hole in the ozone layer

 

**chaebuggi:** i approve of that one

 

**showno:** Minhyuk and I will be at the accommodation office

 

**showno:** Please trust Kihyun 

 

**showno:** A little bit

 

**showno:** To care for you all and make sure no one die

 

**overlord:** my little cute pet

 

**overlord:** precious man child

 

**overlord:** venerable friend

 

**overlord:** bumbling baboon

 

**overlord:** abomination to the race of man

 

**overlord:** sweet summer child

 

**sock:** i only know him for about a week

 

**sock:** but i could locate where i am placed at this moment on his priority ladder

 

**honeyfire:** am i the pet

 

**kachang:** priorities

 

**kachang:** sorted

 

**chaebuggi:** its a concern bc we all know who hes addressing

 

**kachang:** wut am i

 

**beagle:** you're the summer child

 

**kachang:** um

 

**honeyfire:** kid chill its fine

 

**kachang:** no but

 

**kachang:** im so cold inside

 

**kachang:** y would u insult me liek this

 

**overlord:** i think u meant

 

**overlord:**  

# Hot? You dare insult me? I am cold, Leo Valdez. Very, very cold.

**kachang:** im

 

**kachang:** marry me hyung

 

**honeyfire:** DID SOMEONE FALL

 

**chaebuggi:** what a terrible falling noise

 

**sock:** HE PULLED A RICK RIORDAN ON HIM

 

**sock:** CHANGKYUNNIE WORSHIPS UNCLE RICK GREAT JOB KIHYUNNIE

 

**kachang:** anyone who reads and makes reference to pjo  & ho r saints

 

**kachang:** i will worship u

 

**sock:** that has so many connotations 

 

**sock:** like i can write a phd on it and i will need another one to list them all

 

**honeyfire:** extra ™

 

**chaebuggi:** i have good news and bad news

 

**chaebuggi:** they change depends on how u look at them

 

**honeyfire:** is the dorm burning

 

**chaebuggi:** it could be if we put our minds to it

 

**honeyfire:** then nothing bad is happening

 

**chaebuggi:** kihyun has fallen

 

**sock:** what do you mean bad

 

**sock:** that is the good news

 

**sock:** it's the best news i've heard all day

 

**chaebuggi:** he said that if u open ur coccyx of a mouth again he'll cut u liek sirloin beef with the parsley on top

 

**sock:**  ...that's actually terrifying

 

**honeyfire:** so is that the bad or good news?

 

**chaebuggi:** he refused to cook dinner or come out of his room

 

**chaebuggi:** im outside his door

 

**chaebuggi:** its not rlly bad enws just problematiic bc we can order food but this bitch will camp in there until the skies fall over idk

 

**honeyfire:**  

**chaebuggi:**  sweetheart u know i dont fite lil girls

 

**honeyfire:** i think ive been shot by ur words

 

**sock:** haven't we all

 

**sock:** i'm calling an intervention

 

**wonhoseok**  creates a new group chat

**wonhoseok**  renames the chat to **a lil nudgee ( ͡͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °)**

**wonhoseok** adds **heonneylee, minnielee, dancingintherain, bitterandsour**

**wonhoseok** changes their name to **shipper1**

 

**shipper1:** alright children and the sole friend/adult/person/thing

 

**dancingintherain** changes their name to **hyunwoo**

 

**hyunwoo:** I appreciate your consideration at my pronouns

 

**shipper1:** hyung don't be boring

 

**minnielee:** who are we nudging

 

**minnielee** changes their name to **matchsticks**

**heonneylee** changes their name to **fireworks**

 

**fireworks:** so we match minhyuk hyung  (｡◕‿◕｡✿)

 

**shipper1:** i think i cried from the purity

 

**shipper1:** like it has purified me from my sins

 

**bitterandsour** changes their name to **thesaneone**

 

**thesaneone:** im assuming this has got to do with kihyun hyung locking himself in

 

**shipper1:** definitely

 

**shipper1:** i call it

 

**shipper1:** changki

 

**matchsticks:** i'm going to need a bit more context than that

 

**hyunwoo:** Chang- Changkyun ...and...-

 

**hyunwoo:** Ki- Kihyun?

 

**thesaneone:** oh

 

**thesaneone:** i legit thought u and kihyun were fucking or liek fwb-ing in plain sight

 

**fireworks:** that was information i did not sign up to see

 

**hyunwoo:** Kihyun has standards

 

**hyunwoo:** Hoseok may be tall but he's no where near those standards

 

**fireworks:** ive only heard liek maybe 3 criteria

 

**fireworks:** theyre actually _ridiculous_

 

**matchsticks:** why on earth are they so specific?

 

**hyunwoo:** To sort of compensate for his lack of height

 

**hyunwoo:** When suitors don't reach them he feels a sense of superiority and artificial but long-lived height

 

**shipper1:** i feel validated but also humiliated at the same time

 

**thesaneone:** do u always flirt with ppl u just meet liek this

 

**shipper1:** only to stir up drama

 

**shipper1:** and only if they're pretty

 

**fireworks:** where does that leave me?

 

**shipper1:** you're my child i can't flirt with you that's weird

 

**fireworks:** ive been family-zoned

 

**shipper1:** love you boo (ﾉ≧ڡ≦) Teehee~!

 

**matchsticks:** why are we trying to get them together?

 

**thesaneone:** honestly i say we wait

 

**thesaneone:** kihyun hyung nearly broke his phone from changkyunnie's comments

 

**shipper1:** no but

 

**shipper1:** the irish tap dance they do

 

**shipper1:** is killing me

 

**matchsticks:** it's not as if the feeling is unrequited 

 

**fireworks:** the kid just asked the guy to marry him

 

**fireworks:** there has to be some love there

 

**fireworks:** appa

 

**fireworks:** discuss ur mastery with us

 

**hyunwoo:** I'm only here as party control do not involve me

 

**shipper1:** _SPOILSPORT_  

 

**hyunwoo:** Go back to scheming

 

**shipper1:** we lock them in a room

 

**hyunwoo:**  Less scheming

 

**fireworks:** we steal a phone and text smthing?

 

**matchsticks:** kihyunnie will break you before you can touch him

 

**fireworks:** o(╥﹏╥)

 

**thesaneone:** how abt we compromise

 

**thesaneone:** we wait until it gets too annoying and its painfully obvious they r 'meant to be'

 

**thesaneone:** then we step in

 

**shipper1:** i like the way you work

 

**fireworks:** do we start collecting funny texts and send them here

 

**shipper1:** i think you mean

 

**shipper1:** whipped whining

 

**fireworks:** u can call it however u want theyre funny

 

**shipper1:** nice work child

 

**thesaneone:** hes already corrupting the innocent

 

**hyunwoo:** Why do I feel like this will backfire on you all

 

**matchsticks:** if it fizzles then it fizzles

 

**hyunwoo:** I aspire to be like you in every aspect of my life

 

**hyunwoo:** But I just can't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am Monsta X but also PJO & HO trash. A lot of fandoms live in me. Please shower this with love!!!


	14. i raised him, you just came in and claimed custody rights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun and Changkyun bonded over obscure fiction and mutual worry over each other. Jooheon is now Hoseok's kid. Hoseok's flirting attempts are working for Hyungwon...maybe? Bless Hyunwoo for always putting a lid on great ideas Minhyuk has. Hyungwon has dirt on all of them and he won't hesitate. 
> 
> When the group chat combine their respective storytelling powers you can see Kihyun's great aunt's story unfolds. It's all lies but it's funny. Kihyun's mother is mailing the screenshots to his great aunt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I NEARLY GOT 300 KUDOS AND 2.5k+ HITS??? I THINK AT SOME POINTS I JUST SEE NUMBERS AND I TRIP BECAUSE W O W. TRULY BLESSED TRULY AMAZED YOU GUYS BAFFLE ME.
> 
> But do spam me about this chapter. I can see progress, but it's so slow I'm not sure if it's actual progress. 
> 
> Boyfriends Changki being domestic and reading obscure books is my perfect situation. Do you see that Hyungwonho moment?
> 
> Usernames:  
> Kihyun: overlord, grumpyangel  
> Changkyun: kachang, descartes  
> Hoseok: sock, shipper1  
> Hyungwon: thesaneone, chaebuggi  
> Jooheon: honeyfire  
> Minhyuk: beagle  
> Hyunwoo: showno
> 
>  
> 
> I say boyfriends but they're not dating.

**{Group chat: wholsome fam}**

**overlord:** kids

 

 **overlord:** i have reached an untimely demise

 

 **sock:** your great aunt unexpectedly passed away and she bequeathed her entire inheritance to you

 

 **overlord:** thats not a demise thats a godsend

 

 **chaebuggi:** and the only way u can inherit her inheritance is by marrying the daughter of her high school sweetheart 

 

 **honeyfire:** who she promised to marry during the great korean war but they unfortunately got separated

 

 **beagle:** she fled to the south while he got pulled along to the north where the situation worsened and the two parts of the great korean empire got split into two

 

 **showno:** After many harrowing years where they spent trying to contact each other through telegrams and letters smuggled through the mountains they still cannot find each other

 

 **kachang:** only when he defected to the sth that he found out she married and he died of a broken heart

 

 **kachang:** on his deathbed it was his wish that his adopted niece who he claimed as his daughter at the border to be a part of her family

 

 **kachang:** she took this promise very srsly and had it written in her will that u

 

 **kachang:** her eldest great nephew

 

 **kachang:** will amend her wrongs

 

 **sock:** not knowing that you're gay as fuck and would probably die than marry a woman

 

 **honeyfire:** first of all

 

 **honeyfire:** channie

 

 **honeyfire:** the heck is goin on in that head m8

 

 **showno:** 'He died of a broken heart'

 

 **showno:** Possible, also treatable 

 

 **kachang:** i like tragedies 

 

 **overlord:** u probs read oedipus rex too

 

 **kachang:** i do actually

 

 **kachang:** philosophy and psychoanalytic theories 

 

 **kachang:** they relate

 

 **chaebuggi:** fuck that shit 

 

 **honeyfire:** too many complicated words i cant

 

 **overlord:** pre impressive

 

 **kachang:** i tried doing it in ancient greek but i got up to the 100th line and i gave up

 

 **overlord:** i cant read ancient greek at all ur already better than me

 

 **overlord:** i only read the eng and japanese translations bc im dumb asf

 

 **overlord:** there werent korean ones

 

 **showno:** What was the untimely demise

 

 **kachang:** ?

 

 **showno:** So sorry to interrupt your strange courtship

 

 **chaebuggi:** there r coffee shops for these kidns of nerd talks

 

 **kachang:** pm me hyung

 

 **overlord:** k

 

 **honeyfire:** tri saying hyungie

 

 **kachang:** pls hyungie

 

 **overlord:**  lee jooheon

 

 **overlord:** i hope u die a slow painful death in the roasting pit of hell

 

 **overlord:** changkyunnie ill have to answer the dad first otherwuse he'll mow me down

 

 **sock:** jooheonie i raised you well

 

 **beagle:** i raised him, you just came in and claimed custody rights

 

 **sock:** same difference bub

 

 **showno:** No demise then?

 

 **overlord:** WHO TOOK MY SISTER'S NECKLACE

 

 **chaebuggi:** wut

 

 **honeyfire:** hyung no one went near ur room 

 

 **channi:** its in ur jean jacket

 

 **channi:** i put it in there it was stuck behind ur jeans pocket the other nite

 

 **sock:** you what

 

 **beagle:** i have so many questions that i need answers to that an entire  phd degree with 20000 words is needed to say what i need to say

 

 **showno:** I thought you went back to your denial phase or something

 

 **showno:** Don't do that again

 

 **showno:** You made me very annoyed with the way you acted

 

 **chaebuggi:** i want to know the background to dis

 

 **sock:** i think you have enough dirt on people kid 

 

 **sock:** chill

 

 **chaebuggi:** just bc ur cute doesnt mean ill listen to wat u say

 

 **sock:** _pwease hyungwonnie?_

 

 **sock:** pwetty pwease with my pwetty face?

 

 **sock:** ٩(๑ > ₃ <)۶♥  o(≧∇≦o)   (๑˃̵　ᴗ　˂̵)و

 

 **chaebuggi:** go away

 

 **overlord:** im getting indigestion 

 

 **honeyfire:** i already threw up hyung

 

 **showno:** Considered my job done

 

 **overlord:** dunno how u lot came up with that story abt my great aunt

 

 **beagle:** we should make it into a movie

 

 **showno:** Minnie

 

 **showno:** Dear

 

 **beagle:** but why notttttttttttt

 

 **beagle:** it's a great idea

 

 **showno:** The last time you thought something was a great idea we almost got arrested for trespassing

 

 **honeyfire:** i got caught in that fence and we had to cut my jeans to get me out

 

 **kachang:** dunno if ur all wild or stupid

 

 **chaebuggi:** stupid

 

 **overlord:** rlly stupid

 

 **kachang:** a story for another time?

 

 **showno:** We don't want to scare you away just yet Kyunie-yah

 

 **overlord:** im just sending screenshots to my mum

 

 **overlord:** shes laughing so much

 

 **overlord:** shes printing them out and mailing them directly to my great-aunt 

 

 **kachang:** hyung rmbr ur sis's necklace

 

 **overlord:** got it dw channi

 

 **kachang:** just making sure hyung

 

**{Group chat: **a lil nudgee ( ͡͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °)}****

**thesaneone:** told u we dont need to intervene

 

 **thesaneone:** theyre already flirting

 

 **shipper1:** don't flaunt your intelligence here go somewhere else 

 

**{Private chat: pink sunshine}**

**grumpyangel:** if u read oedipus rex

 

 **grumpyangel:** i recommend kafka on the shore

 

 **descartes:** that one fucked with ur head 

 

 **descartes:**  a random 30 pgs had a trans woman and a crazy guy who makes cat flute

 

 **descartes:** holy shit all the weird asf sex scenes

 

 **grumpyangel:** just as long as u dont like

 

 **grumpyangel:** want to have sex with ur mum or sis im gud

 

 **descartes:** can we not

 

 **descartes:** read the unbearable lightness of being hyungie

 

 **grumpyangel:** y is there weird sex in here too u lil dumb cricket

 

 **descartes:**  its good literature

 

 **descartes:** weird sex or not

 

 **grumpyangel:** im not judging u but i am

 

 **descartes:** look at the bigger pic hyung not the sex

 

 **grumpyangel:** rite i forgot u lit kids bypass the sane boundaries ages ago

 

 **descartes:** tell me waht u think after u finish

 

 **grumpyangel:** we could get coffee and talk over this if u dont mind

 

 **descartes:** lets go

 

 **grumpyangel:** lmao u shameless child

 

 **descartes:** free food is gud

 

 **descartes:** free food is what i live on thanks hyung for paying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you die over the Changki date because me too. And the nicknames. Mutually whipped Changki.
> 
> MUCH LOVE BECAUSE YOU ALL DESERVE IT


	15. u stay and listen otherwise ill deck u back to ur 4th life as a grasshopper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Changki date, but also a Hyungwonho fight. There is anarchy. Changkyun wonders what beauty means and Hyungwon is rude. Don't listen to Kihyun it's a date. Also Minhyuk is a good mum friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY I'VE BEEN AWAY SCHOOL IS ANNOYING I'M GOING TO QUIT YEAR 11 AND BE JOBLESS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
> 
> In other news.
> 
> Hi. Comments and hits and kudos. No words for you all I love it. Like I don't even know what to write anymore the quality content expires ten chapters ago. Now it's just boys screaming at each other.
> 
> I'm sorry I made Hyungwon the bad guy, but I need some sort of confrontation to actually have progress. It's okay. I think. It will solve itself soon.
> 
> Names:  
> Hyunwoo: showno  
> Minhyuk: minmum, hyuk, beagle  
> Changkyun: kachang  
> Kihyun: salt, overlord  
> Hoseok: seok, sock  
> Hyungwon: chaebuggi, beanson  
> Jooheon: honeyfire

**{Group chat: wholesome fam}**

**kachang:** hyungs

 

 **sock:** my son

 

 **beagle:** _my son_ excuse you

 

 **beagle:** dear

 

 **beagle:** execute your legal rights over our son

 

 **showno:** Save yourself Changkyunnie and just leave this dorm

 

 **honeyfire:** boo

 

 **honeyfire:** ur no fun

 

 **honeyfire:** who study on a sunday

 

 **kachang:** i was brought out by free food

 

 **honeyfire:** fair enuff

 

 **kachang:** i got a question

 

 **chaebuggi:** wats up

 

 **kachang:** when we talk abt beauty

 

 **sock:** excuse me i think i am needed somewhere

 

 **overlord:** u stay and listen otherwise ill deck u back to ur 4th life as a grasshopper 

 

 **kachang:**  how do we all have a concrete concept on beauty

 

 **kachang:**  wen my opinions on beauty r diff to urs

 

 **kachang:** how is it that we both find diff things beautiful

 

 **kachang:** would it still be beauty then

 

 **sock:** kid

 

 **sock:** go outside

 

 **overlord:** come on we'll take a short walk

 

 **kachang:** hyung no

 

 **overlord:** i can drag u out screaming and i will if u dont lift those ass cheeks up in seconds u broken bicycle tyre

 

 **kachang:** im up im up

 

 **honeyfire:** that was intense

 

 **sock:** i ship it

 

 **honeyfire:** same

 

 **chaebuggi:** i do one arts subject and im dying

 

 **chaebuggi:** hes doing two and livin'

 

 **sock:** he's our maknae on top of course he's livin'

 

 **chaebuggi:** shut ur whole mouth hoseok

 

 **sock:** okay seriously why do you always pick on me what did i do

 

 **showno:** You two

 

 **showno:** Not the place

 

 **chaebuggi:** as if u dont mock me

 

 **honeyfire:** hyungs 

 

 **honeyfire:** come on

 

 **sock:** it's for banter! why do you need to take it seriously for?

 

 **chaebuggi:** think abt wat u say before saying them

 

 **chaebuggi:** maybe then no one will explode at ur shit

 

 **sock:** what's your problem with me??

 

 **chaebuggi:** ur the entire problem

 

 **sock:** fine

 

 **sock:** i'll go

 

 **chaebuggi:** good

 

 **wonhoseok** has left **wholesome fam**

 

 **honeyfire:** i can ehar him running ill intercept

 

 **beagle:** hyungwonnie

 

 **beagle:** pm me now

 

 **showno:** I'll call the other two

 

**{Private chat: tol bean son}**

**minmum:** Explain yourself

 

 **beanson:** dont mind it

 

 **beanson:** im feeling a bit shitty

 

 **minmum:** A bit?

 

 **minmum:** This type of behaviour is inexcusable 

 

 **minmum:** You do not go around saying these things to others

 

 **beanson:** hyung just

 

 **beanson:** let me be

 

 **minmum:** He didn't even do anything to you!

 

 **minmum:** I'd understand if he did

 

 **minmum:** But all he did was text and you attacked him!

 

 **beanson:** bc he fucking doesnt take anything srsly and its pissing me off

 

 **minmum:** So you take it out on him now?

 

 **minmum:** When he made an observation on your behaviour and you promptly blow up?

 

 **beanson:** leave me hyung

 

 **minmum:** I won't until you tell me what's really bothering you

 

 **minmum:** I won't tolerate bullying

 

 **beanson:** for fucks sake hyung

 

 **minmum:** Chae Hyungwon

 

 **minmum:** I'm still waiting for an answer

 

 **beanson:** FINE

 

 **beanson:** i was jealous

 

 **beanson:** that he get along so well with the gang even tho he came outta nowhere

 

 **beanson:** and he was flirting with kihyunnie but kihyun and changkyun have a thing

 

 **beanson:** but now hes also someone close with changkyun so im worried

 

 **minmum:** I think your problem is that you're jealous of the wrong thing

 

 **beanson:** jealous of what wrong thing minhyuk hyung

 

 **minmum:** I think it's much better if you find out yourself what

 

 **minmum:** Take some time off

 

 **minmum:** Don't go provoking anyone else

 

 **minmum:** I am very disappointed in you

 

**{Private chat: seokkie hyung}**

hyuk: hey hyung

 

 **seok:** kid

 

 **seok:** i'm trying not to punch anything here

 

 **seok:** please just

 

 **seok:** leave me

 

 **hyuk:** what's wrong?

 

 **hyuk:** you don't normally react that violently

 

 **seok:** just

 

 **seok:** i haven't been rude or flirty or anything inappropriate

 

 **seok:** yet he kept shutting any chances of me trying to hold a civil conversation with him down

 

 **seok:** i'm sick and tired of trying to be the better guy

 

 **seok:** i don't think it's worth pursuing this path

 

 **hyuk:** oh hyung

 

 **hyuk:** talk to him first

 

 **seok:** i don't know if i can face him right now

 

 **hyuk:** don't do it now

 

 **hyuk:** but have a talk with him and work things out

 

 **hyuk:** he owes you a lot of explanations

 

 **hyuk:** but you also need to tell him how you feel about how he's been acting to you and how that is impacting on you

 

 **hyuk:** he needs to know the consequences of his actions

 

 **seok:** okay minnie-yah

 

 **seok:** i'll just take a walk

 

 **hyuk:** take care hyung

 

**{Private chat: the true eomma}**

**salt:** wat up y u rang

 

 **salt:** channi was worried bc hoseok tried to call him as well

 

 **mum:** can you and changkyun extend your date to an entire day?

 

 **mum:** hoseok and hyungwon got into a fight

 

 **salt:** anything else i can help with besides that?

 

 **mum:** no i think they just need some time away from each other

 

 **salt:** from the way things were going they either would fite each other or make out violently

 

 **salt:** the sexual tension is irdiculous

 

 **mum:** i'd rather not know about that

 

 **salt:** okay well back to my date

 

 **mum:** have fun

 

 **salt:** WAIT SHIT ITS NOT A DATE STOP SAYING ITS A DATE HYUNG WE'RE BROS HANGING OUT

 

 **mum:** stop lying to yourself

 

 **salt:** DONT GIVE ME FALSE HOPE HYUNG 

 

 **mum:** i wish you joy and happiness

 

 **mum:** but above all, i wish you, loveeeeeee

 

 **salt:**  i hope ur entire endocrine system collapses and u die in ur own pee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Whitney Houston won't be offended by my weird use of her lyrics in my fic.
> 
> In other news, there is an actual Changki date even though Kihyun is denying that it is a date. Please. It is. Minhyuk is the type to type properly when he's mad. Beware.


	16. dnt lie to urself my insults haunt u in ur sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun's insults haunt Hyungwon in his dream. Hyungwonho is now a thing I made it a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi beautiful people I am back sorry for the delays I had to do like four practice exams for end of year so this might be one of the rare updates in between me procrastinating and like, actually studying.
> 
> Usernames:  
> Kihyun: yoo.ki  
> Hyungwon: flagpole
> 
> Hoseok and Hyungwon in their own chat is pretty self-explanatory. The only reason there's no nickname is because Hyungwon renamed the contact name after the fight.

**{Private chat: bean pole}**

**yoo.ki:**  u damn abomination of the turtle race

 

 **flagpole:** omf hyung

 

 **flagpole:** wut

 

 **yoo.ki:** u stupid ass stale oats

 

 **yoo.ki:** i saw the chat

 

 **yoo.ki:** how fcking stupid r u

 

 **yoo.ki:** to start a fite when all hoseok hyung did was mention that changkyun is good at smthing

 

 **yoo.ki:** is ur dumb coconut head that thick

 

 **yoo.ki:** that i have to crack it open sideways to let blood get to that bone density mass of urs?

 

 **flagpole:** hyung wat do u mean i got jealous

 

 **yoo.ki:** u chipped mug i never said that

 

 **flagpole:** but ur implying it

 

 **yoo.ki:** BC U MIGHT AS WELL BE

 

 **yoo.ki:** JESUS

 

 **yoo.ki:** TAKE UR FRUSTARTED WATEVER ASS OVER TO HOSEOK AND APOLOGISED tO THE GUY

 

 **flagpole:** was i rlly that out of line

 

 **yoo.ki:** i said bone density mass as a joke but ur proving it a sad reality pal

 

 **yoo.ki:** let me phrase dis in another wyay

 

 **yoo.ki:** u fighting hoseok today is like

 

 **yoo.ki:** minyuk hyung before hes dating hyunwoo hyung

 

 **yoo.ki:** and clinging over some poor fool

 

 **yoo.ki:** then hyunwoo hyung fcking break a table bc the guy praised minhyuk hyung

 

 **flagpole:** i did not break a table

 

 **yoo.ki:** BUT U BROKE OUR DYNAMIC AS A GRP

 

 **yooki:** WATS MORE IMPORTANT HUH U SALTY SUGARCANE

 

 **flagpole:** i cant take u srsly wen u hurl these insults at me

 

 **yoo.ki:** dnt lie to urself my insults haunt u in ur sleep

 

 **flagpole:** ngl

 

 **flagpole:** tis tru

 

 **yoo.ki:** AND HOSEOK BROKE A TABLE SO GUESS WAT

 

 **yoo.ki:** apologise 

 

 **flagpole:** but y would i be jealous over hyung

 

 **yoo.ki:** listen

 

 **yoo.ki:** minhyuk hyung spends a lot of time with hoseok

 

 **yoo.ki:** theyve been friends forever

 

 **flagpole:** and?

 

 **yoo.ki:** hoseok got into a fight with a shitty asshole back in middle school bc he called minhyuk hyung weird

 

 **yoo.ki:** and hyung cried and took a week off school to take care of hoseok

 

 **flagpole:** i still dont

 

 **yoo.ki:** changkyun won dis science thingy in high school

 

 **yoo.ki:** and hoseok was so happy he ran nearly onstage to lift the kid off his feet

 

 **flagpole:** okay theyre good friends so wat

 

 **yoo.ki:** ur telling me u dont feel uncomfortable

 

 **yoo.ki:** at all?

 

 **flagpole:** y would i be

 

 **yoo.ki:** u can dig that hole deeper by urself idc but until u apologise to hoseok dont expect me to be civil

 

 **flagpole:** hyung ur never civil

 

 **yoo.ki:** im full rage today tri and test me u lanky noodle

 

 **flagpole:** okay so in hindsight it was a rlly big exaggeration on my end

 

 **flagpole:** but like ik minhyuk hyung is close with everyone im cool with that

 

 **flagpole:** y wouldnt i be

 

 **flagpole:** and kyunie is a sweet golden child who doesnt know anything abt real life

 

 **flagpole:** id be happy for him too if he wins smthing

 

 **flagpole:** but

 

 **flagpole:** i say that but im rlly irritated by smthing

 

 **flagpole:** i want to like

 

 **flagpole:** get them away from hoseok hyung

 

 **flagpole:** y would i....

 

 **flagpole:** holy shit

 

 **yoo.ki:** i was lost 20 lines ago wut

 

 **flagpole:** i was jealous bc hyung was nice to channie but not me

 

 **flagpole:** but hyungs never nice to me bc im high key a bitch

 

 **yoo.ki:** im glad ur denseness decided to clear up a bit

 

 **flagpole:** I GOTTE GO APOLIFEURER

 

 

**{Private chat: Shin Hoseok}**

**hyungwon:** hyung

 

 **hoseok:** hello

 

 **hoseok:** how may i be of assistance 

 

 **hyungwon:** im sorry

 

 **hoseok:** glad you have that figured out

 

 **hyungwon:** i acted out of line

 

 **hyungwon:** i had no reason to be mad at u over stupid shit

 

 **hoseok:** still trying to find that sincerity here, buddy

 

 **hyungwon:** i was irrationally jealous over u doting on changkyunnie

 

 **hyungwon:** but he wasnt there so i took it out on u

 

 **hyungwon:** i had no rights to dump all my hurtful wrds on u

 

 **hyungwon:** and i shouldnt have

 

 **hyungwon:** so this is me apologising sincerely with all i have

 

 **hyungwon:** im rlly sorry

 

 **hyungwon:** u dont have to forgive me or anything

 

 **hyungwon:** just

 

 **hyungwon:** have my sincerity

 

 **hoseok:** why the fuck were you jealous over changkyunnie?

 

 **hoseok:** everyone dotes on him

 

 **hyungwon:** i wanted to be doted on by u

 

 **hoseok:** why?

 

 **hyungwon:** coz i like u duh

 

 **hyungwon:** i dont like doting unless its someone i like doing it

 

 **hoseok:** did you just

 

 **hoseok:** confess out of nowhere?

 

 **hyungwon:** OH SHIT ABORT BAIORT BYAIR I=U HYUNG IMMA GO TO MARS

 

 **hoseok:** COME BACK

 

 **hoseok:** YA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if it's too rushed. Please give me feedback.


	17. its just ur ikea coffee tabl that matters innit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There appears to be mutual running from both Hyungwon and Hoseok. Hyunwoo only cares about his table and passively participates in the tumult. Jooheon is reporting live from Hoseok's capture, collared by the Changki duo who seem to be undergoing quarrels of their own. Minhyuk tackled an escaping Hyungwon. Maybe they will work things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *lurks in the interwebs* 
> 
> *hides behind exam stacks*
> 
> I'm sorry this is way overdue???? Please forgive me I got unmotivated and no one had whaled at me yet but I AM HERE NOW I WILL TRY TO WRAP EVERYTHING UP BY THE NEXT TWO CHAPTERS!!!
> 
> Names:  
> Jooheon: honeyfire, beebee  
> Minhyuk: motherhyuk, beagle  
> Changkyun: kachang  
> Hyungwon: chaebuggi  
> Kihyun: yoohyun  
> Hyunwoo: showno

**{Group chat: wholesome fam}**

**overlord** changes their name to **yoohyun**

 

 **yoohyun:** okie

 

 **yoohyun:** kids

 

 **yoohyun:** if u see the tall snapped rake anywhere today

 

 **yoohyun:** 181 cm made out of fragmented glass instead of bone and fucking liquid for a spine

 

 **yoohyun:** goes by hyungwon but if u scream U BITCH or REGURGITATED COW VOMIT he will answer or u'll know who it is

 

 **chaebuggi:** i am rite here

 

 **yoohyun:** grab him 

 

 **showno:** I don't think I ever witnessed Minhyukkie tackling someone that fast

 

 **showno:** Or that heavily as well

 

 **yoohyun:** i aint emerging to a ded pole i need him aliv

 

 **honeyfire:** YALL I GOT HOSEOK HYUNG

 

 **honeyfire:** WELL

 

 **honeyfire:** KYUNNIE DID

 

 **honeyfire:** IT DOESTN AMMTEER HE IS HERE

 

 **showno:** Hyungwon is suffering

 

 **showno:** I think

 

 **honeyfire:** u could nevr be sure

 

 **showno:** Should you not collar or control our rogue friend somehow?

 

 **honeyfire:** let me tell you that a yoo kihyun on a warpath is terrifying and equally impressive

 

 **showno:** I see

 

 **honeyfire:** show more reaction pls

 

 **showno:** He is terrifying

 

 **showno:** Fear is he

 

 **showno:** The embodiment of nightmares

 

 **honeyfire:** i appreciate ur effort

 

 **honeyfire:** changkyunnie wants to send a meme but hes collaring hoseok hyung

 

 **honeyfire:** and hyung is liek

 

 **honeyfire:** HANSD OFF ME U MIDGET

 

 **honeyfire:** with muhc feels

 

 **showno:** Minhyukkie said that he raised you to have better grammar than internet memes

 

 **honeyfire:** im sorry mum

 

 **showno:** Minhyuk proposes that we shut them in a room and lock it

 

 **honeyfire:** changkyunnie said yes while kihyun hyung said it might turn into a 

 

 **honeyfire:** word to word 'legit fucking fight im not taking that chance'

 

 **honeyfire:** kyunnie is whipping out dem pupper eyes

 

 **showno:** Jooheon-ah

 

 **showno:** I'm parts disgruntled parts grudgingly impressed with Changkyunnie

 

 **honeyfire:** evn w/o knowing who said dat i could tell its minnie hyungie 

 

 **honeyfire:** NO DONT ENCOURAGE THE SHIT

 

 **showno:** His insults are deteriorating

 

 **honeyfire:** liek his purpose in lyfe but eh

 

 **honeyfire:** HE JSUT PICNEH MEH

 

 **showno:** Hyungwonnie is flapping too much

 

 **showno:** It's becoming a hazard to himself and the environment around him

 

 **honeyfire:** its just ur ikea coffee tabl that matters innit

 

 **showno:** Well and Minhyukkie too

 

 **honeyfire:** _well and minhyukkie too_

 

 **showno:** I was glared at 

 

 **showno:** I'm sorry dear

 

 **honeyfire:** AH WE IS HERE BAI HYUNG SORT UR SHIT OUT

 

 **showno:** Please watch over my coffee table

 

 **yoohyun:** u stupid unripe banana ill skewer u on a bbq stic

 

 **kachang:** hyung no

 

 **honeyfire:** pls take ur lovers quarrel away from dis sacred sanctity thanks leave

 

 **beagle:** LOVER'S QUARREL??

 

 **showno:** My coffee table

 

 

**{Private chat: baby bumblebee}**

**motherhyuk:** darling

 

 **beebee:** so liek i was running after hyung

 

 **motherhyuk:** i was going to ask but please do elaborate

 

 **beebee:** okay so liek

 

 **beebee:** they were running at me

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scream or spam if you think that's too fast.
> 
> Also I'm sorry I ended things like that I have a plan for the next chapter.


	18. Square pizzas are great

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ljh: i think i can hear punches being thrown now?
> 
> ikea's enthusiast: I sincerely hope it's Hyungwon that is doing the punching
> 
> beagle: hyungwon would break in half if the wind blows his way
> 
> beagle: he can't sustain the injuries from hoseok's punch
> 
> ljh: he cant sustain a punch from a kid let alone hoseok
> 
> ikea's enthusiast: The only logical solution is to call an ambulance
> 
> ljh: u are a horrible father figure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahahahahahahaha I'm sorry
> 
> That's it
> 
> There's no other way to say it
> 
> than I'm sorry
> 
> Also when we know what was said behind closed doors? Maybe in the next few chapters?
> 
> Names:  
> Jooheon: beebee, ljh  
> Minhyuk: mama, beagle  
> Hyunwoo: ikea's enthusiast  
> Changkyun: kachang, KA BOOM  
> Kihyun: yoohyun
> 
>  
> 
> Seriously. I left this for so long. I want to finish it, but things happen and life is here and I am really lazy. Just gimme a sign that someone is reading it, yeah, so I know if I should shut it down real quick this chapter or keep going 
> 
> Once again.
> 
> I sincerely apologise

**{Private chat: baby bumblebee}**

**beebee:** kyunnie was obvs in distress

 **beebee:** even without the glss i could tell

 **beebee:** much arm flapping

 **beebee:** screaming all the time

 **beebee:** little hyung and kyunnie r the same sze

 **beebee:** but dammmm he had to job to catch up with the bab

 **beebee:** bc he was just powerwalking thru things

 **motherhyuk** changes their name to **mama**

 **beebee:** i love u

 **mama:** keep going don't mind me

 **mama:** i love you too, dear

 **beebee:** i think there was smthing liek

 **beebee:** u took me out

 **beebee:** so i couldnt be there to help my friend

 **beebee:** too whoop his stupid ass

 **mama:** ...

 **mama:** he's mad 

 **mama:** because kihyunnie

 **mama:** sheltered him from the harsh painful truth?

 **mama:** ?????

 **beebee:** look ur the connecting bridge im just reporting eyewitness account

 **beebee:** y do u sound surprised

 **mama:** i mean

 **mama:** kyunnie hates being the one in the dark when everyone is in on the joke

 **mama:** but the most he'll do is sulk

 **mama:** perhaps some hiding

 **mama:** but he wouldn't do it to my face or hoseok's

 **mama:** he'll most likely punch something in obscurity 

 **mama:** and emerge with a bruised fist

 **mama:** but he never once showed that he's unhappy to my face

 **mama:** ever

 **beebee:** honsetly

 **beebee:** *honestly

 **beebee:** i wouldnt either

 **beebee:** ur liek

 **beebee:** an angel

 **beebee:** the korean virgin mary

 **mama:** please don't say that

 **mama:** i would be a terrible reincarnation of the virgin mother

 **beebee:** have u ever thought

 **beebee:** that u could be better

 **mama:** moving on, little one

 **mama:** it sheds no insight or understanding

 **mama:** as to why changkyun acted in such a way

 **beebee:** i mean

 **beebee:** they say that succeessful communication is key to a good relatoship

 **mama:** i suppose it is so

 **mama:** but why would you want to hurt your friends

 **beebee:** that

 **beebee:** yeh thats a good point i have no point to overpoint it

 **mama:** that cannot be a word

 **beebee:** nah it aint

 **mama:** god the way you text gives me so many close calls with cardiac arrests

 **beebee:** eh

 **beebee:** do u think changkyun could ever act out of character

 **beebee:** u as the friend

 **beebee:** and his adopted mother

 **beebee:** bc i dont know him well i cant speak for him

 **mama:** it is incredibly hard to shake him composure

 **mama:** he rarely loses his head in stressful situations

 **mama:** it just

 **mama:** makes less and less sense to me

 **beebee:** lemme try and rmb wat else was said

 **beebee:** smthing abt 

 **beebee:** i rlly value truth bef4 anything else - kyun

 **beebee:** i know dat and i respect dat, but it was tense and u panicking wouldve contributed more to the mess not help solve it - ki

 **mama:** oh dear me

 **mama:** his blunt words hurt sometimes

 **beebee:** but hes my friend, i know how dumb he can get, i want to know that i did smthing - kyun

 **beebee:** wat i did was thoughtless but it was justified - ki

 **beebee:** besides 

 **beebee:** they need to solve their shitfest pronto it stresses me out - ki

 **beebee:** i think kyunnie at this point legit screamed liek HOW CAN U MEDDLE AND I CANT U INSUFFERABLE MAN I HATE U

 **beebee:** kihyun was liek...yeah sure

 **mama:** it seems like he's just throwing a rare fit

 **mama:** predictable in such a situation

 **mama:** but rare either way

 **beebee:** do u lie to him often

 **mama:** no

 **mama:** never

 **mama:** not at all

 **beebee:** mayb thats y hes upset

 **beebee:** the lying thing

 **mama:** it could be

 **mama:** i won't be able to get anything out of him

 **mama:** i hope kihyun can own up to him before hand

 **beebee:** of all the ppl tho

 **beebee:** kihyun lies the least

 **beebee:** he just need to pop on both knees and apologise

 **beebee:** hes just stubborn

 **mama:** we're all stubborn in our own way

 **mama:** i could talk to kihyun

 **beebee:** nah

 **beebee:** have a feeling he'll cave soon

 

**{Group chat: wholesome fam}**

**honeyfire** changes their name to **ljh**

 **ljh** changes the chat's name to **Pizza Slice No Longer Circle**

 **showno:** Square pizzas are great

 **beagle:** did someone just slam a door

 **ljh:** think

 **ljh:** it was kikikikiki

 **showno** changes their name to **ikea's enthusiast**

 **ikea's enthusiast:** Ah

 **ikea's enthusiast** : It is a great name

 **beagle:** i want to suggest a plan of escape

 **ikea's enthusiast** : Don't

 **ikea's enthusiast:** I can hear screaming

 **ikea's enthusiast:** From Kihyun

 **beagle:** i'm sensing an abundance of nonchalance and almost flippancy to those two fragmented line of text

 **ljh:** he doesnt care

 **ikea's enthusiast:** I don't really care

 **beagle:** this family is disintegrating before my eyes and i can't stop the ruination 

 **ljh:** someone just said 

 **ljh:** if u cant even be honest to ur friend then how honest r u to urself if u lie all the time

 **beagle:** deep

 **beagle:** but unnecessarily complicated

 **beagle:** i hope

 **kachang** changes their name to **KA BOOM**

 **KA BOOM** : i declare one yoo kihyun

 **KA BOOM** : a liar

 **yoohyun:** oh would u shut it

 **yoohyun:** and u lot

 **yoohyun:** stop badmouthing me

 **ikea's enthusiast:** There are less punching sounds than I expected in my mind

 **beagle:** we should check on hyungwon and hoseok

 **ljh:** y bother lying

 **ljh:** u guys dont care

 **beagle:** do you?

 **ljh:** no lmao

 **ljh:** okay i should

 **ljh:** but its quiet down there?

 **beagle:** it's the quiet place that the murders happen

 **ikea's** **enthusiast:** We all heard that right

 **ljh:** DONT SCARE ME

 **ljh:** WAIT NJO HOLIYG CIPCAKE S BANDWJNWD

 **ljh:** ASDFGHJKL NSDNSDSNSDSSDFGHJKL:

 **beagle:** well then

 **beagle:** i guess we have one less problem 

 **beagle:** and whatever the rest of the lyrics are

 **ikea's enthusiast** : One less problem without Yoo

 **beagle:** i approve

 **yoohyun:** YO SHUT

 **yoohyun:** IT

 **yoohyun:** DOWN

 **ljh:** i think i can hear punches being thrown now?

 **ikea's** **enthusiast:** I sincerely hope it's Hyungwon that is doing the punching

 **beagle:** hyungwon would break in half if the wind blows his way

 **beagle:** he can't sustain the injuries from hoseok's punch

 **ljh:** he cant sustain a punch from a kid let alone hoseok

 **ikea's enthusiast** : The only logical solution is to call an ambulance

 **ljh:** u are a horrible father figure

 **beagle:** we can knock

 **beagle:** but give it ten minutes

 **KA BOOM** : ten hrs

 **yoohyun:** take down the door

 **ljh:** im liking the last

 **beagle:** no property damage on my watch

 **beagle:** so we'll knock

 **yoohyun:** boring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you feel the need to scream at me there are these two things 
> 
>    
> [TWITTER](https://twitter.com/jarofactonbell)  
> [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/jenny_benny)
> 
>  
> 
> I'm sorry it took ages please accept my apologies I just am really lazy ToT


	19. how sa d  alexa play despacito

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ikea's enthusiast: you got hyungwon to apologise?
> 
> sock: fully
> 
> sock: he knelt and everything
> 
> sock: asked me
> 
> sock: beseech me to disembowel his disrespectful ways
> 
> sakura: i did not
> 
> offended: knowing u 
> 
> offended: it's probs tru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu I wanted it to be longer but really the drama ought to end here
> 
> I'm so sorry that I promised longer chapters but I'm just here writing one last chapter. But this was a fun ride and I love hearing your thoughts on the shenanigans of my characters. Feel free to reread and comment more since the beginning till now. I am mostly online so I guarantee I will check out your comments uwu
> 
> Names, for the last time:  
> Jooheon: offended, ljh  
> Hyunwoo: beagle  
> Minhyuk: ikea's enthusiast  
> Changkyun: hamster enthusiast  
> Hoseok: sock  
> Hyungwon: chaebuggi, sakura  
> Kihyun: baby hamster

**{Group chat: Pizza Slice No Longer Circle}**

 

 **KA BOOM** changes their name to **hamster supremacist**

 

 **ljh:** wot

 

 **hamster supremacist** : i got kihyun to yield

 

 **ljh:** yeet

 

 **yoohyun** changes their name to **baby hamster**

 

 **baby hamster** : i hate you

 

 **hamster supremacist:** uwu

 

 **baby hamster** : no not u u cute-faced demon

 

 **baby hamster** : lee jooheon

 

 **baby hamster:** you degenerate troglodyte 

 

 **beagle:** That is mean

 

 **hamster supremacist:** ur mean

 

 **baby hamster:** bag me forever y dont u

 

 **ikea's enthusiast:** what happened 

 

 **baby hamster** : wot happened to ur phone tho y do u hav minhyuk's

 

 **beagle:** We leave our phones about a lot

 

 **beagle:** I saw his before I saw mine so I picked it up and went onto this chat

 

 **hamster supremacist:** are u out?

 

 **ljh:** for a smol walk

 

 **ljh:** u coming back soon yea?

 

 **beagle:** Of course

 

 **beagle** : The thought of leaving you guys by yourself in one establishment fills me with dread and apprehension 

 

 **ikea's enthusiast:** how dare you

 

 **beagle:** I never tell lies

 

 **ljh:** oh boo

 

 **baby hamster:** anyways

 

 **baby hamster:** back to me thenk

 

 **ikea's enthusiast:** what of hoseok and 

 

 **chaebuggi:** caw caw motherfuckers

 

 **hamster supremacist** : excuse your mouth

 

 **ljh:** we have

 

 **ljh:** CHILDREN

 

 **ljh:** h e r e

 

 **ljh:** by we i meant i

 

 **ljh:** i am the child

 

 **hamster enthusiast:**  take back ur words young man

 

 **ikea's enthusiast:** take them back you foul thing

 

 **beagle:** Hyungwon

 **chaebuggi** changes their name to **sakura**

 

 **sakura:** srry

 

 **sock:** i cannot believe your first words when you're back in the group chat is 

 

 **sock:**   _caw caw motherfuckers_

 

 **ljh** changes their name to **offended**

 

 **offended:** can we not

 

 **offended:** i am offended we cant take me srsly

 

 **beagle:** Welcome back 

 

 **beagle:** Troublemaker number one and two

 

 **beagle:** Mr Yoo and Mr Chae

**hamster supremacist:** lmfao

 

 **offended:** take that f away young man

 

 **sakura:** young man

 

 **sakura:** take that f word away

 

 **sakura:** i say young man

 

 **sock:** i will gag him

 

 **ikea's enthusiast** : too violent

 

 **beagle:** Please do

 

 **sakura:** this is bullying 

 

 **sakura:** this is jobless culture

 

 **sakura:** this is why death rates r so high

 

 **baby hamster:** thats so sad

 

 **baby hamster** : jooheon play despacito

 

 **sock:** OH MY FUCKING GOD EVEN YOU TOO

 

 **sock:** WONTON HERE KEPT SAYING THAT

 

 **offended:** wait hold on

 

 **hamster supremacist:** U ATCUALLY BLATST 

 

 **sakura:** i am sick and tired of these memes

 

 **ikea's enthusiast:** please put someone else on

 

 **sakura:** sit down u cant even do maths

 

 **ikea's enthusiast:** jooheon play bohemian rhapsody 

 

 **hamster supremacist** : icant believe even hyungwon and kihyun know that meme

 

 **baby hamster:** idk why ur surpised about hyungwon knowing memes

 

 **offended:** he knows the memes

 

 **offended:** he makes the memes

 

 **offended:** he is the ispiration of the memes

 

 **sock:** god level: he is the Meme

 

 **sakura:** gools

 

 **sakura:** fudge 

 

 **offended:** gools

 

 **sakura:** **fook

 

 **hamster supremacist** : fook

 

 **sakura:** ****fools

 

 **ikea's enthusiast:** you dug yourself into that hole

 

 **beagle:** Are we all good?

 

 **sock:** ah yes

 

 **sock:** i punched a wall in anger

 

 **offended:** oH  tHaNk  meRciFuL  anCesTorS

 

 **ikea's enthusiast:** nobody punched anyone all is well all is good

 

 **sakura:** i mean i dodged but okay

 

 **sakura:** he came close to

 

 **baby hamster** : i cannot believe u tried to punch a chopsticj u ho

 

 **sock:** ho he was being an idiot

 

 **ikea's enthusiast** : ah then that's justified 

 

 **beagle:** You ought to reinforce nonviolent resolution methods

 

 **beagle:** Not encourage the children to punch things out

 

 **hamster supremacist:** no but this is effective

 

 **offended:** ur a baby dont careen down the path of violence and gang wars

 

 **sakura:** OKAY WHAT DID I MISS IMMA SCROLL UP

 

 **sakura:** damn kikki u got screamed at by the baby?

 

 **baby hamster** : ....

 

 **baby hamster** : hasta la vista fuckers im moving to canada

 

 **hamster enthusiast:** yea he was being dunb

 

 **beagle:** So he was being himself

 

 **sock:** don't say that

 

 **sock:** he'll cry

 

 **baby hamster:** i was too yelled at

 

 **baby hamster:** i dont know any more creative curses left

 

 **offended:** i cant believe changkjuyn ended kihyun and whats knwon of him

 

 **sock:** iconic

 

 **beagle:** Can someone play Black is Back?

 

 **beagle:** It seems suitable

 

 **ikea's enthusiast:** you got hyungwon to apologise?

 

 **sock:** fully

 

 **sock:** he knelt and everything

 

 **sock:** asked me

 

 **sock:** beseech me to disembowel his disrespectful ways

 

 **sakura:** i did not

 

 **offended:** knowing u 

 

 **offended:** it's probs tru

 

 **baby hamster:** what a shame it wasnt on video

 

 **sakura:** whart a shame ur humiliation wasnt on video too bicth

 

 **hamster supremacist** : hes a dirty liar

 

 **hamster supremacist:** shame him even more 

 

 **hamster supremacist:** i beg of u 

 

 **hamster supremacist** : hyung

 

 **ikea's enthusiast** : just as long as we don't hurt ourselves

 

 **baby hamster:** ur condoning this type of behaviour??

 

 **ikea's enthusiast:** suddenly i can't read

 

 **ikea's enthusiast:** my bright-eyed children

 

 **ikea's enthusiast** : what are those squiggles on the screen?

 

 **sock:** being ostracised 

 

 **sock:** how tragic

 

 **offended:**  how sa d  alexa play despacito

 

 **hamster supremacist:** oh my fudge cake we do have an alexa

 

 **beagle:** Please don't harm Alexa

 

 **offended:** lmao paranoid

 

 **baby hamster:** it'll be right

 

 **sakura:** u just droped it u dirty liar

 

 **hamster supremacist:** DISHONOUR ON UR COW

 

 **beagle:** I'm coming back up

 

**[7.08 pm]**

**hamster supremacist:** kihyun hyung

 

 **sakura:** oh worm

 

 **ikea's enthusiast:** what now

 

 **sakura:** srry i gotta go

 

 **sock:** ahem

 

 **offended:** iam rattled wat is doing things

 

 **beagle:** Is this Hyungwon's Confession Hour?

 

 **baby hamster** : FINE IM SORRY LIM CHANGKYUN FOR LYING TO U IM A DIRTY AND SHORT LIAR I SHOULDNT HAVE MEDDLED IN UR BUSINESS WITH UR FRIENDS AND LIED TO UR FACR R U HAPPY NOW????

 

 **offended:** so smol

 

 **offended:** so angery

 

 **sock:** how utterly tragic

 

 **hamster supremacist:** alexa play 'hips dont lie'

 

 **sakura:** he went there

 

 **sock:** ahem

 

 **sakura:** wot

 

 **sock:** _Ahem_

 

b **aby hamster:** boo i changed my name back to the accursed hamster nickname to appease the baby think wisely and act wiser

 

 **sakura:** i will not say or do anything

 

 **beagle:** I heard something

 

 **beagle:** Shall I enter or leave infinitely?

 

 **hamster supremacist:** wonnie hyung had been tackled

 

 **offended:** r i p

 

 **baby hamster** : how heartbreaking alexa play the windows shut down soundtrack 

 

 **ikea's enthusiast** : but on loop

 

 **baby hamster:** i like the way u think

 

 **sakura:** I YIELD

 

 **sakura:** SORRY I MADE EVERYONE ANGSTY BC I WAS ANGSTY AND JEALOUS OVER NOTHING AND I SHOILDVE JUST COUGHED IT OUT THAT I WAS ANGRY ABT MY OWN INABILTY TO OWN UP TO MY GAY FEELS RATHER THAN PROJECTING IT ONTO THE FAM

 

 **sock:** and?

 

 **sakura:** shin hoseok i am one gay man for you?

 

 **beagle:** Alexa play the wedding march

 

 **ikea's enthusiast:** the trombone remix

 

 **baby hamster** : theres a trombone remix?

 

 **ikea's enthusiast:** i'm really just saying whatever, my dear

 

 **sock:** thank you everyone for coming and i shall proceed to crush wonton to death

 

 **hamster supremacist:** what abt me and kihyun hyung?

 

 **ikea's enthusiast:** you shared a bed, darling

 

 **ikea's enthusiast** : you're already married

 

 **baby hamster:** gosh darn the ring in my pocket will just go to waste now

 

 **offended:** kyunnie just vaulted onto kihyun

 

 **offended:** and we end our troubles with happy couples

 

 **beagle:** How oddly Shakespearean

 

 **ikea's enthusiast** : alexa play perfect by sir sheeran

 

 **baby hamster:** that meme is old now STOP jOOheON  u  ShIt   u bLasTeD    tHaT  oUttA nOwhEre

 

 **beagle:** Shakespearean  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments please, my dears, it was a good ride and great fun! 
> 
> *due to complaints i have made it clear that yes, changki and hyungwonho are Real and Thriving. now feast yer eyes, my friends and dears*  
>    
> [Find me on Twitter](https://twitter.com/jarofactonbell)  
> [Please feed me I am a hungry child](https://ko-fi.com/jarofactonbell)  
> [Ask me anything on Curious Cat!](https://curiouscat.me/jenny_benny)

**Author's Note:**

> Please supply me with feedback I don't know what I'm doing. Kudos are blessing and if you give me any at all I'll worship you.


End file.
